WORKING STIFFS

LAST MONTH, the whole country was left reeling in shock over allegations that formerly popular former Prime Minister Boris Johnson had received extramarital oral sex on his office sofa. The story divided an already divided nation. Was this an unacceptable breach of public trust, or merely an act that sullied the highest office in the land? Or was it just a light-hearted method of relieving stress in a high-pressure job? We went out onto Britain’s green and pleasant streets to get YOUR views on the rights and wrongs of being sucked off in the workplace...

NO ONE likes going to the office, but getting sucked off would certainly make the experience more bearable. Yet again, Boris is leading from the front and setting an example that ordinary Brits would do well to follow.

Martin Gaviscon, admin assistant

I SEE no problem whatsoever with our Prime Minister being orally pleasured whilst at work. Mr Johnson got Brexit done and he got all the big calls right. If he’s able to perform at the highest level whilst simultaneously being fellated, then why shouldn’t he?

Edna Buscopan, lollypop lady

I AGREE with Mrs Buscopan [above]. On the rare occasion I get a nosh, I can barely concentrate on anything else. Mr Johnson has proved himself fully capable of keeping his hands on the tiller and getting gobbled off at the same time. That kind of multi-tasking should be applauded rather than criticised.

Michael Piriton, welder

I WAS incandescent with rage when I read the allegations about Boris Johnson receiving oral stimulation in his parliamentary office. However, I forgot all about it the next day when I read that the PM had apologised, and now consider the matter closed.

Heather Calpol, paper merchant

I CAN sympathise with Boris Johnson’s embarrassing predicament of being caught in a ‘compromising position’ at work. Just last week, I was being sucked off during work hours when I looked up to see all my colleagues right there, staring at me! It was so embarrassing. So imagine my relief when I remembered that I am scud-flick actor Ben Dover, and I was simply filming my latest movie, ‘Spunk Guzzling Whores 9’.

Ben Dover, adult auteur

THESE allegations are obviously completely unfounded and anyone spreading such false tittle-tattle should be ashamed of themselves. Since the two parties to the alleged incident are hardly likely to have started the rumour themselves, it seems clear that somebody must have walked in and caught the PM mid-nosh in his office. For some unexplained reason, this person has not come forward to tell his story. Oh, or her story, obviously.

Sir Gavin Williamson KBE, MP