TALL BORDER

SINCE BREXIT, politicians have been at loggerheads whether the border between the EU and the UK should fall on land or sea. But what if it was placed in the air? We asked some of today’s tallest celebrities where they’d place the border if height was no object.

Chris Hemsworth Thor Actor Man

Being 6’ 3” tall, I’m able to see things a lot further up than most people, and recently I’ve found myself noticing top lofty spots for the EU/ UK trade border while I’m out and about.

I’d have to say the best place to conduct border checks would probably be on top of a traffic light, as someone with a ladder could probably get up there and sit on a securely fastened chair, checking drivers’ paperwork and signing off when everything’s cleared to go. At which point the traffic light could provide a useful indication for when the next lorry should pull up.

Dwayne Johnson ‘The Rock’ Actor

I’m 6’ 5” tall, and was going to choose a traffic light, too, but if I was going to have to choose a second favourite high place to locate the trade border between the UK and EU, it’d have to be at the top of one of those old fashioned metal playground slides with the cage at the top. The cage would provide a useful ‘office’ for the border officials and, once the paperwork has been filled out, the lorry driver could slide back down to continue their journey. A downside to this location would be that the drivers woudn’t be able to wear shorts because in hot weather they might burn their legs when going down the slide.

Shaquille O’Neal Former NBA star

Although you’d think that, at 7’ 1”, I’d choose the highest location of all, I reckon the optimum place to locate the trade border would be on something quite high, but not too high, like a dining room table or something. As soon as you’re off the floor and on the table, you’re not technically in the UK or the EU so at that point, height becomes less of an issue, and this way you wouldn’t lose time climbing up to it on a ladder, or sliding back down again on a slide – you’d just hop on and off as needed. You could also fit a bit of red and white striped wood to the side of the table on a hinge with a bit of string attached to lift and let the lorries past once they’d cleared their customs check.