BEFORE THE BUSES
A-List hunk Gosling signs on for Blakey blockbuster
FROM Joker to Cruella to Maleficent, dark and gritty ‘origin story’ films have been setting the box office ablaze in recent years. Delving deep into the psyches of Hollywood’s most seminal villains, these movies unravel their protagonists’ murky pasts, uncovering the sinister reasons they turned to the dark side. And fans of the genre will be rejoicing today, after Universal Studios announced the latest mega-budget blockbuster to focus on a famous screen antihero... the cruel bus inspector BLAKEY.
Set to hit multiplexes in summer 2024, Blakey will chart the formative years of iconic On The Buses antagonist Cyril ‘Blakey’ Blake, showing how the character gradually morphed from a mild-mannered Wapping teenager into a neurotic, pen-pushing megalomaniac.
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At a press conference in Los Angeles, Universal chief executive THOMAS L WILLIAMS outlined the studio’s motivation for the project. Williams told reporters: “Darth Vader, Hannibal Lecter, Cruella De Ville – all these fictional icons of evil have had their backstories told on the silver screen. Yet the origins of arguably the most complex and intriguing villain ever created – Blakey out of On The Buses – have remained untouched for decades.”
“Now is the time to finally lay bare Blakey’s turbulent past and introduce a whole new generation to the Luxton & District Traction Company Extended Cinematic Universe.”
Williams added that Blakey will be rated 18 due to scenes of graphic violence and explicit language, and its budget will clock in at a whopping $300 MILLION, making it one of the most expensive films ever made.
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“To do this thing right, we had to spend big bucks,” Williams admitted. “The On The Buses fanbase is one of the largest, fiercest and most loyal on the planet. There would be rioting in the streets if we cut corners when depicting such an iconic character.”
And the studio boss was keen to assure fans that pre-production was already going smoothly.
“The script is dynamite,” he gushed. “No spoilers, but audiences are set to discover everything about young Cyril’s transformation into the villainous, stammering bureaucrat we know as Blakey.”
The film will touch on many intriguing themes that have remained unexplained throughout
On The Buses’s 74 TV episodes and 3 feature films, including:
• Why Blakey joined the Luxton & District Traction Company
• Why he abhors lateness
• Why he has that moustache
But the main focus of the film will centre around the events that caused the inspector to become the arch nemesis of feckless bus crew Stan Butler and Jack Harper.
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Williams confirmed that Inception visionary CHRISTOPHER NOLAN is set to direct the movie, with QUENTIN TARANTINO and MARTIN SCORSESE acting as executive producers. And if that wasn’t enough to send fans into a frenzy, the studio head also revealed that Blade Runner star RYAN GOSLING will be donning the iconic peaked cap and black mackintosh to play the title role.
“We had several encouraging meetings with Joaquin Phoenix, Daniel Day-Lewis and Christian Bale,” said Williams. “But Ryan’s commitment and passion for the character shone through above all the others.”
“He grew a toothbrush moustache especially for the audition, and lumbered in completely in character, leering at us and groaning. When he tucked a clipboard under his arm, bobbed up and down on his tiptoes and said ‘Eeeeer! I ‘ate you, Williams,’ we all knew we had found our Blakey.”
La La Land fave Gosling, 41, told Vanity Fair that he will be working with Tinseltown’s top gurning consultants to achieve Blakey’s singular facial spasms and bizarre range of guttural noises.
“I see the film very much as a character study,” Gosling said. “A chance to explore the inner recesses of this man’s mind and discover why getting Stan and Jack sacked became his raison d’être, and why he is so intolerant of Butler’s sexual advances towards the female clippies.”
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Rumours have also circulated that Universal plans to further broaden the OTBECU (On The Buses Extended Cinematic Universe), with the release of Olive in 2026. The film will chart the origin story of Stan Butler’ s dowdy, bottle-bottom bespectacled sister, who is set to be played