I feel another name change coming on!
SMOKEY Robinson famously sang “there ain’t too much sadder than the tears of a clown, when there’s no one around.” Well, after being pulled out of a circus audience and ritually humiliated in front of close family and friends by a gang of clowns in the name of ‘entertainment’, might I suggest that a solitary display of lacrimation from any one of those white-faced arseholes - especially if they were tears of unbearable pain due to a paper cut across their bellend or something like that - would be pretty low down on a list of sad things.
Brian Stubbard, Margate
I WAS watching Octopussy the other day and noticed that James Bond spends a significant portion of the film dressed in full clown regalia. Also, in Moonraker, Bond’s arch enemy, Jaws, chases him through Rio de Janeiro dressed in a sinister carnival clown outfit. It got me wondering whether other Bond films might be improved by the additional of general clowning. Perhaps Oddjob from Goldfinger might have an oversized bowler hat that he shoves onto Bond’s head, pulling the brim down to his chin, causing a custard fountain to spurt from the top. Or maybe Q could present Bond with a special Aston Martin that falls apart in hilarious fashion when Blofeld attempts to climb into it, accompanied by a swanee whistle sound or a shot of a pigeon doing a double-take.
Laura Hooley, Cardiff
CLOWNS. Don’t spend money on large quantities of expensive boot polish for oversized shoes. Simply rub a used banana skin over them to polish them up to a shine. As a bonus, the skin can be dropped on the floor ready to be slipped upon on your way out of the circus.
Bobo the Clown, email
EVER SINCE I was a little girl, I’ve loved going to the circus. From jugglers to acrobats, trapeze artists to plate-spinners, the skills these performers display dazzle and entertain. How is it then that, within such a talented ensemble, clowns continue to find gainful employment? For years I’ve watched them bungling everyday tasks with levels of ineptitude I’d not expect from a toddler. Everything they turn their hands to turns to disaster, leaving the audience laughing in disbelief at their idiocy. If I were a ringmaster wanting to trim the fat from my operation, I’d start with the clowns. What an embarrassment!
Mavis Bavison, Dundee