GOING , GOING , GONG!
Veditor Hampton Doubleday was included in the list of singers, sports men and women, and Conservative party donors nominated in the recent New Year’s Honours list, it has been revealed. But the long-serving custodian of Britain’s fourth funniest magazine was forced to turn his gong down.
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Mathew Murphy, Duluth, Minnesota
Doubleday had been awarded a knighthood in recognition of his services to poor quality humour, and was invited to Buckingham Palace to receive the accolade from King Charles himself. But the lofty editor discovered that he was too tall to leave the office in the regulation top hat that is essential for ceremony.
“I am 6’ 2’’ tall, which means I have a combined height of seven feet when sporting a ten-inch topper,” he told the Fulchester Clarion. “However, the doors in the old Victorian building that serves as the Viz office are only 6’ 11” high. Once I was formally dressed for the ceremony, I would be unable to get out.”
Doubleday contacted the palace and asked if he could wear a halfsized top hat, like the ones used in carriage driving, but was told
St Michael the Bastard, email
in no uncertain terms that such headwear would be completely inappropriate. He was left in no doubt that were he to turn up in one, he would be denied entry.
Builders were called in to see if the Viz office doorways could be made an inch higher, but it transpired that most were in supporting walls and had weight-bearing lintels that could not be altered. And suggestions from Doubleday’s wife that he could wear a tiny top hat like a burlesque dancer were met with derision from the editor. “It would make a mockery of this majestic, timehonoured ceremony were I to attend in a morning suit with a teacup sized topper on my bonce,” he said.
After exploring all avenues, Doubleday replied with a heavy heart to the palace declining the honour. “I have worked towards
Honoured.
this moment since the comic was launched in 1979, and to be obliged to turn it down simply because the office door is an inch too short is devastating,” he said.
“I was so looking forward to having all my staff refer to me as ‘Sir Hampton’ all the time or face dismissal. And my wife was excited almost to the point of climax at the prospect of booking her next appointment at the hairdressers under the name Lady Doubleday and making them bow.”