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Yorkshire chef set to take eggs into the Space Age
ARADICAL road-side chef has announced plans to develop a new way to cook eggs, the first in over 1000 years. And he has enlisted the help of science boffins at the world famous CERN research facility in Geneva.
Larry Burkes, 48, has been the owner and Chef de Cuisine at the Bellyful Burger van on the A1 outside Tickhill near Doncaster for the past seven years, and he says that his customers’ palates are becoming jaded with the usual fried eggs in their baps.
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“For years now, people wanting an egg have only had the choice of fried, boiled or poached,” he told us. “Although I only do fried at the Bellyful because nobody wants a boilie, and poachies make the baps go wet.”
And Larry is convinced that a new way of preparing eggs will prove popular with customers at his road-side establishment.
“Eggs are a staple foodstuff of humanity but we’ve barely advanced out of the Stone Age when it comes to preparing them,” he said. “There hasn’t been a new way of cooking them since somebody made the first omelette in the middle ages.”
“It occurred to me that there must surely be a novel way to cook these versatile little foodstuffs.”
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But rather than look to the kitchen for inspiration in his quest, the self-taught chef looked to the laboratory, contacting scientists in charge of the Large Hadron Collider at the CERN Centre for Nuclear Research in Switzerland.
With a lifelong love of science and technology, and thinking that scientists could succeed where chefs had failed, Larry asked for permission to conduct an experiment at the $4billion facility outside Geneva.
His study would involve cracking a dozen free-range eggs into the 27km long particle accelerator and setting them in motion. Once they were travelling at 99.9999991% the speed of light, they would be smashed into another dozen coming in the opposite direction at the same speed.
Larry explained: “God knows what the finished dish would look and taste like, as nobody had ever cooked eggs at the quantum level before. What I was proposing was cutting edge cookery.”
“I imagined that any bits of shell that may have got in would just vaporise, and the eggs would turn into some sort of creamy eggcloud, all light and fluffy.”
“Whatever happened, it would be a great leap forward in egg cuisine,” he added.
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However, Larry’s dreams of developing a new cooking method were dealt a blow when po-faced scientists from the research establishment refused to let him crack eggs into their collider.
“The Large Hadron Collider cost $4billion and was built with the cooperation and financial support of some 24 nations,” said CERN director Professor Jules Vernon. “The device is tasked with answering some of the fundamental questions of physics. We can’t have all eggs whizzing around inside of it.”
“You’ve only got to look at the mess scramblies make in a frying pan. Imagine that sticking to all the pipes and wires and microelectronics. We’d never get it off, even if we left it to soak,” Professor Vernon added.