GLAM ROCKERS FEEL THE SQUEEZE
Spandex trousers set to get tighter
GLAM rock is all about loud music, over-the-top costumes and big hair. But if there is one thing that makes glam rockers stand out from the pop crowd, it’s their tight trousers. When bands like Bon Jovi, Van Halen and Kiss take to the stage in their their skintight Spandex pants, we know we are in for a good show.
But now a research chemist from Bolton reckons those shows could get a whole lot better thanks to a new discovery. Dr Emma Balustrade says a new synthetic polymer that has been developed in her laboratory is almost ten times tighter than Spandex, meaning that glam rockers will now be able to go way beyond the skin-tight look. “If you thought David Lee Roth’s trousers were tight before, you haven’t seen him wearing Skindex!” she told reporters.
“This new material has all the elastic properties of Spandex, but is much, much tighter,” said Dr Balustrade. “These rock poodles may think their gear is figure-hugging at the moment, but just wait until they tip up on stage in a pair of Skindex trolleys!”
The music press was excited by the announcement of the new polymer fabric, with some rock journalists predicting it would change the face of live performances. “Fans flock to see bands like Bon Jovi live partly for their music, but also for their tight, revealing kecks,” said NME’s Oldmar Hubbard. “But this new fabric is going to turn the tightness of their heroes’ trousers up to eleven. It’s going to be wild.”
“I saw Kiss perform their final show last month, and their gear was so tight, there was literally nothing left to the imagination,” said Melody Maker’s Danny Focastle. “Absolutely nothing,” he added for emphasis, whilst moving his hands apart to indicate penile length.
“I can’t wait for their next comeback tour later in the year when they’ll all be wearing Skindex. It’s going to be Kiss-tastic!” he added, whilst widening his eyes and moving his hands even further apart than before.