WORLD NEWS ROUNDUP
THE ROYAL Mint has announced a new commemorative 50p coin will be struck later this year to celebrate the 30th anniversary of the release of the sci-fi action film Timecop.
The film, which is described as a ‘low-rent Terminator’ with a score of 48% on Rotten Tomatoes, stars Jean Claude Van Damme as time-travelling cop Max Walker. The coin will feature an image of Walker karate-kicking the letters of the title, surrounded by a 30th anniversary commemorative ribbon.
“We are proud to join in the celebrations for thirty years of this marvellous cinematic milestone,” explained Royal Mint spokesperson Louise Regalmenthe. “People were surprised when we didn’t release anything five years ago for the film’s silver anniversary, but I’m sure everyone can agree that this beautiful edition has been worth the wait.”
Star Van Damme has tweeted his pleasure at the new coin. “The 50p is my favourite denomination in British coinage, so to be commemorated like this is a real honour. Thanks to the Royal Mint and the British people,” he wrote.
And it is set to be a busy cinematic year for the Royal Mint, which will, in addition, see them release commemorative coins for the hilarious Jim Cary comedy Mr Popper’s Penguins, which celebrates its 15th anniversary, and the 25th anniversary of the direct-to-video animated classic Scooby Doo and the Witch’s Ghost.
WITH the dust still not settled after the release of the iPhone 15, tech giant Apple has leaked the first details of their latest smartphone - the iPhone 16 UltraPro. And with its high-end specs and price point to match, the new iPhone is set to be more desirable than ever. Inevitably, this means that the new model will be more attractive to thieves.
And to counter this, along with the usual processor and screen upgrades, the 15UltraPro will feature a stateof-the-art built-in anti-theft system.
“We tried building a tiny wooden mallet inside the case by the earpiece,” said product designer Jony Ive. “If anyone other than the user tried to make a call, the hammer would pop out of the top on a spring and bop them on the head.”
“Unfortunately, in the design business, we are always governed by the the size of the product, and the mallet was necessarily so small that the user didn’t realise that they were being bopped,” he continued.
Ive and his team tried other solutions, such as incorporating little holes in the phone’s body that leaked ‘super-sticky superglue’ sticking the phone to the thief’s hand and making it impossible to remove without a secret anti-glue solution that could only be applied by the boffins in an Apple Genius Bar.
“This didn’t take into account that burglars and thieves always wear black gloves,” Ive said. “And the gloves could just be removed with the phone. So it was back to the drawing board.”
In the end, designers realised that the iPhone’s desirability lies in its attractive look, and they used this to their advantage to combat would-be thieves. “We just made the thing really fucking ugly,” Ive continued. “It now looks like a big yellow banana with two huge blue antenna sticking out of the top like a 1950s TV. I mean, who in their right mind would want to nick something like that?”
WORLD FAMOUS violinist and conductor André Rieu got the shock of his life last week when a bang on the head left him completely unable to play the violin.
Rieu, 74, was underneath the kitchen sink unblocking the S-bend when he jumped up and smacked his head on the wooden frame of the sink unit, causing him to momentarily lose consciousness. When he came round, he discovered he was sitting at the kitchen table with his wife, Ada Rieu, applying a wet flannel to his forehead.
“I felt fine, although I had a massive egg on my head,” said the Maastricht-born classical musician. But it was not until a couple of hours later that Rieu discovered that all was not well. “I picked up my violin to have a bit of a play, but suddenly realised I couldn’t play it.”
“I was scraping away and it sounded bloody awful. And what’s worse, I couldn’t remember how to conduct an orchestra either. I know you have to wave a stick around, but I just couldn’t do it.”
And stranger still, after his knock, the Conservatoire Royal-trained musician, who speaks six languages, found he could suddenly speak a seventh. “I’m fluent in Dutch, German, English, French, Spanish and Italian,” he said. “But when I came round, I found I could speak Albanian as well. And I’ve never bloody been to Albania.”
Unable to play or conduct, Rieu decided to retrain as a car mechanic to make ends meet, and this is where his story becomes even stranger. Whilst attempting to remove the carburettor from a VW Golf, the orchestra leader, who has played all over the world, knocked the prop stick causing the bonnet to come crashing down on his head.
“I came round again at the kitchen table with Ada bathing the back of my head,” he said. “And would you know it, I could play the piano and conduct an orchestra again.”
“And the Albanian had gone. How fucking weird is that?” the Lion-locked Knight of the Order of the Netherlands added.