Ex-Wales star tells of his ‘horrible place’

FORMER Wales and Lions wing Dafydd James has revealed how he has contemplated taking his own life in the last six months.

James spoke last month about anxiety and panic attacks brought on by loss of identity after retiring.

Now, in an interview with The Times newspaper, he has opened up about the extent of his mental anguish, and says he remains ‘in a hole’ and still looking for a solution.

James has told of moments involving ‘motorways, bridges and trains’, laying bare what he has been through.

“I’ve been in such a horrible place in the last six months that I am lucky I am here,” he said. “I’m embarrassed to say I’ve had those moments when I’ve thought: it’s my time to go.

“My dark moments come in fits and starts. I’ve had many moments, from motorways to bridges to trains to all you could put your imagination to.”

James said he did not initially intend to talk about his mental health before he took part in a BBC Wales news programme last month about how professional athletes adapt to life after retirement.

But now that he has shared his experiences publicly the ex-Bridgend and Pontypridd player says his goal is to help others by telling his story.

“If I can talk about how I am going to try and get out of this myself – if I can save one person, then if that’s my next vocation, that’s what I want to do.”

Expanding on where he is mentally at present, James said: “I am very much in my hole.

“The only way I can explain it is: you’re in a box, and it’s dark, you feel trapped, isolated, you can’t get out of that box, no one can hear you.

“Some days you know it’s coming on. You can feel it, like a wave. You go, ‘I’m going down today, I know I am.”