NEW BED DREAM TO GIVE SON SAFE SPACE
AMUM of three has spoken about the challenges of caring for her 12-year-old son who struggles to go to sleep at night. Gemma Jones, 38, from Brynna in Rhondda Cynon Taf, is a carer for her son Kristian, who has autism.
According to Gemma, although her son is a “happy and smiley” boy he has trouble sleeping at night, which can cause harm to her and himself.
Children who have Autism Spectrum Disorder can develop sleep problems, with insufficient sleep often resulting in daytime tiredness, learning problems and behavioural issues such as inattentiveness, hyperactivity and aggression.
Not only do sleeping difficulties impact the child, but also other family members.
According to Gemma, Kristian’s difficulty in falling asleep at night combined with repeated awakening has been an issue since he was born.
With the help of her family, Gemma hopes to fundraise for a specialist bed, which cannot be funded by the NHS. It offers a safe space for Kristian.
“Kristian was diagnosed with autism when he was two years old,” she said.
“The only way he can go to sleep is if I lie next to him, otherwise he would be up and about in the house, causing damage or chaos. Sometimes he has bad days where he doesn’t go to sleep before 5 o’clock in the morning and I’m left black and blue – he doesn’t realise he’s taking his frustration out.”
She added: “It can happen seven days a week sometimes. He goes to stay with his dad over the weekends purely so I can sleep more than two hours and I can spend time with the other kids. It can be particularly challenging when he doesn’t go to sleep until 5 or 6 o’clock in morning and I have to wake him at 8 to go to school – he’s shattered.
“The summer holiday is the hardest time because obviously you are with him day and night. Whereas when he’s not on holiday and he’s in school, if he doesn’t sleep at all at night, I know I can get a couple of hours sleep in the day. In the summer holiday, I don’t have that option – once he’s up, he’s up.
“It does get draining and I’m so tired. When you’re tired, you’re prone to things like colds and cold sores. I’m constantly at the doctors getting cream because I come out a lot with cold sores when I’m tired or stressed. But also, you’re stressed for him – you can see his body wants to go to sleep but his body is still active. He’s frustrated and you understand why he’s frustrated and lashing out because he can’t switch off – it’s heartbreaking.”
As Kristian was recently diagnosed with epilepsy, lack of sleep can also cause more seizures. A specialist bed therefore would not only promote safe sleeping, but also a safe space for him during particularly difficult times.
Gemma said: “The specialist bed would include sensory objects and a camera. In that bed then, if Kristian is having a seizure, for example, I can see over the video. It’s not safe leaving him on his own in his room. So this bed would make it a safer environment for him – it’ll calm him down. I could be in the next room – I could go to bed, read a book or something, while he settles, feels safe and not anxious because he’s trying to go to sleep.
“It would be life-changing for the family as well. The other two are older, it would be nice to be there for them as well, help them with school and other things. It would be nice to do whatever I have to do and know that he is also safe. It’ll be life changing for him and for us as a family.”
With the aid of her friends and family, Gemma hopes to fundraise for a £5,000 specialist bed for her son, with a walk up Pen-y-Fan set to take place at the beginning of June. She said that the response to the fundraising so far has been “heartwarming”.
She said: “Many of my friends and family are raising money, and we have got a lot of people coming together as a community. A specialist bed is over £5,000 – hopefully we’ll have the money and the bed set up by the summer holiday because it’s crucial. He’s a happy and smiley little boy, but obviously like anyone when he gets tired he gets grumpy. This will be life-changing for him.
“When you have a child with disabilities you feel like you are on your own, especially at 3 or 4 o’clock in the morning; you feel like you are alone there. Like most people, I don’t like asking for help and feel like I should be able to do this by myself.
“But the fact they are all coming together, without me even asking, it’s so heartwarming. I never thought anyone would go out of their way to do this. They have a lot going on themselves with Covid and their own families. I’d like to thank everybody for the kindness that they have shown.”
AFTER becoming a single parent when she was five months pregnant and had a 15 monthold child Elizabeth Evans was threatened with homelessness, had to use foodbanks, and feared for her mental health and security. The 37-year-old said that when her marriage ended in 2018 she didn’t realise how much stigma and shame still existed awround poverty and being a single parent.
With one in three children living in poverty in Wales, figures are even higher for children of single parents. The Joseph Rowntree Foundation Poverty in Wales Report 2020 found single parents have the highest in-work poverty rates of all households.
It hadn’t been something Elizabeth, a former teaching assistant, had planned for. Nearly one in 10 parents are “very likely” to need foodbanks, with 88% saying their monthly food shop has increased in price over the past three months.
Elizabeth said when she and her exhusband married in 2016 and had a child quite quickly they agreed she would stop working and be a stay-athome parent. But the plan, made with the best of intentions, fell apart when the couple broke up in 2018 when Elizabeth was pregnant with their second child.
She said when they divorced in 2019 she was unable to pay the rent or afford enough food, despite being on Universal Credit. Her health visitor and local church referred her to foodbanks.
“I became a single parent when my daughter was 15 months [old] and I was also five months pregnant with my son. I didn’t leave myself much breathing space – I had them very close together,” said Elizabeth.
“Leaving their dad wasn’t an easy decision of course. It was one that made us homeless and in debt. We found housing just one month before I gave birth to my son. We were in a rented property and when we broke up I could not afford the rent. The landlord evicted us and that meant that we went on the high priority list for housing. When you are faced with homelessness as a single parent it is very hard but legally the council has 56 days to house you somewhere.”
Elizabeth was housed in a flat in Monmouthshire and lived on Universal Credit but that still left her in debt after all living costs.
She said: “There were many occasions when my children and I had help from the foodbank. I remember it felt like winning the lottery when I found a packet of custard creams in the box. I used foodbanks every so often for about four months at the worst time. Foodbanks give you three days of food and we did not ever go hungry.
“The foodbank was a welcoming and supporting environment to visit and sometimes I just sat down and had a chat and a cup of tea whilst waiting for food. Using a foodbank in my situation did feel like good support. I did take it in my stride but looking back it was souldestroying and so upsetting trying to find the kids and myself some security.”
The mother-of-two said it was tough giving birth as a single parent at Nevill Hall Hospital. She was in “complete emotional turmoil” but because her daughter was 10 days late her mother and aunt, who don’t live nearby, were able to be with her.
Elizabeth said she has felt stigma when people assumed she must have a partner or husband because she has young children.
“People don’t always appreciate how hard being a single parent is. There is still shame and stigma about being a single parent. Because I had a baby and was pregnant people assumed I had a
It was soul-destroying and upsetting trying to find the kids and myself some security
ELIZABETH EVANS