I DON’T WANT OTHERS TO FACE THIS ALONE
Mum says family set up charity after son took his own life during cocaine ‘comedown’
AMUM whose son killed himself following a cocaine “comedown” is now helping others affected by suicide. Nicola Smerdon from Bedlinog lost her 22-year-old son Tom in March 2019.
Describing Tom, who was the youngest of her three children, Nicola said: “He was sporty, funny, caring and loving. He was the light in our family. He played district rugby and did very well in rugby league as well. He had lots of friends and was very popular.
“He was just loads of fun, he was the baby of the family. He left school and worked for my husband’s business as a tree surgeon. He loved experiencing new things. If a new restaurant opened he had to try it with his girlfriend, and he loved going on holidays with us or with his friends. He was a fun uncle to his two nephews.”
Nicola said she wants to raise awareness that what happened to Tom “can happen to anyone and it is happening too often”. She said her son was a positive person who looked forward to his future, yet he would become deeply depressed in the days that followed cocaine use.
She said: “Tom was 22, he had a longterm girlfriend and a full-time job. He enjoyed travelling and going to the gym. He looked after himself and was very invested in his future. He would go out every few weeks with his mates and use cocaine. He would then struggle in the days following feeling really down.
“After a few days, he would be back to his usual self. It was easy to identify what was causing the problem. We sought help for Tom, but sadly in March 2019 he decided, on a comedown from cocaine, that he couldn’t cope any more.”
Prior to his death, Nicola said she had been researching to find out more about the effects of cocaine.
She said she read various articles that backed up her thinking – that what he did on the weekend was causing his low moods.
“So very quickly after Tom died I knew I wanted to do something to stop other people going through this, so we set up 4Tom.”
Nicola and family set up the charity as a legacy for Tom. It aims to support people struggling with their mental health as well as families bereaved by suicide.
As Tom’s family were supported by the charity 2wish – which helps anyone affected by sudden death in children and adults younger than 25 – Nicola said she couldn’t stop thinking of families who did not qualify for support.
lies who did not qualify for support.
Nicola said: “We were very lucky to receive help from the charity [2wish] within the week after losing Tom. We had an immediate support person and all our family members were offered counselling. It’s a network of support and it helped us a lot. I was really aware that if Tom had been older than 25, we wouldn’t have had that support.
“I was also lucky to have wonderful support from family and friends and I kept thinking that there could be a mum of a 26-year-old out there who lived in the same area as me who didn’t have family around her and didn’t know where to go next. I just wanted to help.
“While chatting to my other children we said: ‘We just need to do this’. Before the funeral we came up with a name for [the charity] and in the funeral we said: ‘This is what we are going to do in Tom’s name’. Apart from helping others, it was a focus for us too.”
Nicola said since its conception, the charity has snowballed in its success. It offers counselling for anyone who is suffering with their mental health and having suicidal thoughts; counselling and support groups for those affected by losing someone to suicide; and suicide awareness training. The charity offers people eight free counselling sessions as well as monthly support groups.
The charity helps anyone affected by suicide or suicidal thoughts at any age – it does not need to be cocaine or drug related. However, because of her own experience, Nicola also uses the platform to raise awareness of and help anyone struggling with a loved one’s cocaine use. She wants to help them understand more about what’s going on and where they can go for help.
Nicola said: “This week alone, we have 15 people accessing counselling and our support groups can have 10 plus people in them. The people accessing our services struggle to afford to pay for their own counselling, so they are on long waiting lists with the NHS. We have sessional counsellors working with us across from Monmouth to Llantrisant – the top end of the valleys. Whenever anyone reaches out to us, we find the right person and right location for their counselling. Sometimes they want face to face, sometimes they want online.
“We also raise awareness of the cocaine-alcohol link to poor mental health on social media and at events throughout South Wales. We have co founded the co-alc alliance aiming to prevent further deaths from cocainealcohol use with the Jacob Abraham foundation and Maggie Cee, a mental health campaigner.”
Nicola said her aim going forward was to continue providing services through 4Tom, which is completely voluntary. She said the vast majority of its funding so far has been sourced from the kindness of people in Bedlinog and surrounding areas, who still put on events to raise money in Tom’s memory.
She said: “After losing Tom we were hugely supported by the community and all the funds that we have are all community raised with some small grants. Going forward we are applying for more funding with help from Voluntary Action Merthyr Tydfil to ensure we can continue this work. We are 100% voluntary so every penny goes towards helping people.
“We live in a small village and straight away there were people organising events which has continued over the last four years. It’s amazing, we live in a really lovely community and we have been supported as a family and as a charity. Some of Tom’s friends are running in the Cardiff half this year, which they also did in 2019. We have rugby matches and events at the rugby club. It has been brilliant.”
Visit 4Tom at 4tom.org
For confidential support the Samaritans can be contacted for free around the clock 365 days a year on 116 123.