‘HE PAVED THE WAY FROM THE OUTSET FOR HIS FUTURE ABUSE’
he still managed to completely rule her life.
“He kept saying that he wanted to move in, (so) it was a classic case of coercive control. He put up a hurdle that I would have to cross before he did and because I was so desperate to make it work and because I was feeling worse and worse and worse I would. But it was constant hurdles and as time went on I realised it wasn’t going to happen and I am relieved now he never did.”
Rhianon, who has been left with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), said that he would suggest marriage, or that the pair had a child, things which she says she now sees as a further way to control her. She said that things “came to a head” in early 2019 when she realised Jones was lying constantly about her and her children and decided to end the relationship.
“The penny was slowly dropping as I realised that he was lying massively about me, he was lying massively to me and what made it worse was I realised he was lying about my children a huge amount as well.”
She says by this point he was also being physically violent to her but she had “normalised” this behaviour.
“You get used to it. He doesn’t behave violently from the outset but you get used to the outburst, you get used to the temper. You subconsciously learn to modify your behaviour, how to walk eggshells to try and stop him kicking off, to try and appease him. He’d swung a crowbar at me before, he had his hands at my throat before he tried to bundle me in the back of his car. You normalise that.”
It was an incident which occurred in front of other people which finally led Rhianon to leave Jones.
“It was a day when some friends had come up to pick up something and he turned up and was shouting in front of them, it was as if a barrier had come down – for him to be abusive in front of other people. I was used to him doing it, but not in front of others. He was shouting and screaming about how awful I was, what a terrible person I was. He picked up a piece of perspex and smashed it over a child’s football goal.”
It was at this point she felt the stalking “ramped up” but she realised that it had been happening throughout the entire relationship.
She went to the police for the first time after she returned home to find that he had been hiding on her land.
“He had this long three-quarters length coat on and I remember thinking ‘he could have the poacher shot gun in there,’ he could be armed, I was really, really frightened.
“I managed to get past him and into the house and locked the door and that’s when I thought ‘this is too much I have to go to the police.’ But because of how he had presented himself to me, saying he was popular and well-connected, I thought if I told anyone I was going to the police they would think badly of me so I didn’t tell anybody.”
Jones was arrested for harassment and menacing behaviour and his guns were confiscated.
“He went on to be arrested for witness intimidation and then for breach of police bail. The matter went to the CPS, the outcome was “no further action”.
The CPS have since apologised, admitting that they should have charged Jones at this time. Rhianon was told the CPS had said at the time that there weren’t that many calls or texts from Jones to her, and that they hadn’t been threatening.
“I remember saying to him [police] that there didn’t need to be many phone calls or texts. He’s been here, he’s been knocking on my bedroom window, he’s been kerb crawling me, following me .... He was getting worse and worse...Massive blatant stalking, really threatening. I was reporting it but I was being told he hadn’t done anything wrong. I was told we had to wait for him to commit an offence – which I now know he was doing.
“It got to the point where I was thinking ‘I can’t take this any more. The pressure of the stalking, the not knowing when... It felt like there was no way out. If it wasn’t for the children then who knows what would have happened.” Rhianon put up CCTV.
On August 15, 2019, over four months after Rhianon had ended the relationship and started reporting Jones to the police, the abuse culminated when he held her hostage for eight hours at gunpoint.
“The children were away so I didn’t have to be back early and I had gone over to neighbours. It was about 9.30pm and I was driving down and I could see him at the end of the track, when I pulled up at the neighbours, he was again at my car window saying ‘we’ve got to talk, we’ve got to talk.’ I managed to ignore him and get into the house and told that neighbour what had happened.”
When Rhianon arrived home just before midnight, Jones was hiding, waiting for her.
“I returned home. I drove in, pulled up in my car and got out and by chance, this was all under the CCTV camera and as I was walking around the back of the car down to the house, he leapt out. Dressed in camouflage clothes, shotgun held up, his finger on the trigger. I remember screaming...
“He knew what he was doing, that was the beginning of eight hours of hell... There were several times that night I didn’t think I was going to see the children again. I was trying to survive minute by minute. He’s bigger than me, stronger than me, I can’t outrun what comes out of a shotgun. Throughout the night he had massive mood swings, where he’d go from being angry, to then trying to get sympathy.”
Rhianon said she was then forced to drive to his home – still being threatened with the gun – and while there it became apparent that Jones thought the relationship was “back on”. She said she got the impression he was going to let her go to her doctor’s appointment later that morning and so was trying to just survive until then.
“What is truly mind-blowing is the reason he was letting me go was because he decided we were ‘back on.’”
Rhianon knew that he would follow her to the appointment and so went to the surgery, knowing any other action would be “too much of a risk”. Once there she explained everything to her doctor who called the police and the surgery was placed on lockdown. He had in fact followed her and was arrested in the car park.
Now Rhianon wants to raise awareness of the signs of domestic abuse and coercive control.
“On average two women a week in Wales and England are killed by a current or former partner. I wonder if for many of the population, it’s easy to dismiss those women?... There is a huge lack of understanding around the issues of domestic abuse and stalking. Two women a week is easy to dismiss, but in the time my perpetrator has been in custody – four and a half years – that’s more than 450 women.
“In each case, it’s not just that one woman – or man, majority are women – it’s the ripple effect, the impact is massive. So in my situation it wasn’t just me, my four children were also victims of abuse. It’s now recognised legally that children in the household are considered victims in their own right. Domestic abuse has a devastating impact.”
Dwyfor Meirionnydd MP Liz Saville Roberts has raised Rhianon’s situation in parliament, using it to illustrate the problems faced by many abuse victims in Wales, and asking how dangerous offenders can be managed safely on release in rural areas.
“There are challenges that come with living rurally that will not necessarily be faced by other people in other environments,” Rhianon said.
“Too many decision-makers have a one-size-fits-all attitude, which is totally unrealistic. Licence conditions should enable victims and their families to live in their homes, safe and fearfree, and to have some chance of their own recovery from the abuse. That is all I want for my children and I.”
If you, a family member, a friend, or someone you are concerned about has experienced domestic abuse or sexual violence, you can contact the Live Fear Free Helpline 24 hours a day seven days a week for free advice and support or to talk through your options. Ring 0808 801 08 00.