An hour of utter farce in Parliament

FOR the first time for some time, I watched Prime Minister’s Questions on television

It lasts an hour. It may appear as some sort of virtual reality TV show to the nice people from Venus and Outer Mongolia while, to the good people of the Shropshire North constituency, it’s all very, very real.

In truth, it’s also all very carefully stage-managed. Unlike the stage, the principal characters perform first.

Boris Johnson speaks, then Sir

Keir Starmer speaks and then back to Mr Johnson and so on as they verbally spar and politely insult each other four times.

Then it’s open to the Mob, as Mr Mercer would say, the mass of 630 MPs each trying to catch Mr Speaker’s eye and be called to speak.

On the Opposition side of the House, the questions, tucked into carefully worded and often emotionally charged 40 words, will inevitably ask: “When are you going to resign, you good for nothing waster?” Or words to that effect. To which the PM expresses his gracious appreciation for the advice given and suggests the MP waits for a certain totally unknown lady to submit her report on events purported to have taken place illegally in the garden of No 10 in May 2020.

Then it’s a question from the Government benches. For reasons I fail to grasp, their urgent demanding question will be along the lines of: “Will the PM join with me in congratulating Mrs Openshaw of Lower Snodbury Vale in my constituency of Upper and Lower Snodbury Vale on putting up such a pretty pair of curtains in her lavatory window?” To which the PM replies with great relish and joy that he does indeed congratulate Mrs Snodbury and looks forward to the chance of seeing the curtains for himself.

Then it’s back to the Opposition for emotional appeals to resign for the sake of the sanity of the good people of my constituency of Slag Heap and Grime, to which solemn words of great contrition are offered by the PM and it is pointed out it was the Labour party that built the slag heaps.

And so it trails on – not one question from the Government benches on the subject of garden parties, legal or otherwise, not one question asking how many ‘bring a bottle booze-ups’ had been hosted in the No 10 garden over a 21-month period.

Why did he not ban it before it started, since he clearly knew it was on?

Why did he not publicly admit it had happened, in May 2020, and apologise then, rather than wait for a rather inconvenient disclosure in the media? Just total silence on these issues from the Conservative benches. Why?

I understand that MPs laughed when the PM said that he understood the socially distanced gathering to bring you own booze was a business meeting. I fail to understand why they should laugh.

The Government benches had been muzzled shut to anything but 100th birthdays and curtains and fossils in the mud. Stifled to utter nonsense questions and banal answers when answers to very serious issues were being sought as

to the PM’s competence and honesty in the job.

Is the PM’s job a bridge too far for Mr Johnson? Not one question that might support him was asked. What a sad reflection on our Parliament of the people by the people to see it corrupted and manicured by senior Government MPs, the very people we elected to defend it.

The Government benches in the Commons are indeed a place where sheep may safely graze.

M D Frampton Newton Abbot, Devon