How to deflect angry interlocutors...

WATCHING politics can be irritating right now but the honourable members have developed a number of techniques for dodging awkward questions and making excuses that might usefully be applied to the domestic sphere.

Below are listed the best tactics for deflecting aggressive interlocutors, probably your Significant Other.

Focus on what you are focusing on instead of the real subject.

‘You didn’t wash up!’

‘I wasn’t focused on that. What I’m focusing on right now is the garden. I’m developing plans and putting strategies in place to make a better outdoor experience for the whole family.’

Highlight how much money you’ve already spent.

‘The garden is a complete mess.’ ‘Over the last five years, I’ve invested hundreds of pounds on my gardening plan. I wanted to do more but there were budgetary constraints. We live in the real world and if too much were spent on the garden then other departments would suffer.’

Make big promises for great things in the distant future.

‘When are you going to sort it out?’ ‘My long-term garden strategy is taking shape. By 2050 I will have invested £5,000 to make the garden an Earthly paradise where the whole family can have a great time in a fair, inclusive and balanced way that’s also friendly to the environment and the natural world.’

Blame global events and past crises.

‘Why is it still a mess now?’

‘I’ve been through a difficult time with Brexit, the pandemic, the war in Ukraine and rising energy prices. The markets are in turmoil.’

Extricate yourself from previous manifesto pledges.

‘You said you would sort it out.’

‘At that time, I was fully committed to the garden improvement agenda but circumstances changed, costs mounted, there were other calls on my resources and I haven’t been able to give it as much attention as I would like. I admit that I’ve failed to meet my garden improvement targets. But with the new strategy, fully costed and ready for implementation there will be significant enhancements to the outdoor leisure facilities situation quite soon.’

Blame the previous administration.

‘Anyway, your last partner left it like that. I inherited a complete mess. How come you don’t blame him?’

Storm out of the interview.

‘I’m going down the pub. Bye!’

Eamonn Murphy Chipping Sodbury, South

Gloucestershire