The importance of positive parenting
Being a parent is one of the most rewarding, yet emotionally draining jobs. Here, Des Mannion, head of NSPCC Cymru/Wales, explains how ‘positive parenting’ can help a child’s behaviour
FROM teething to tantrums, breakfasts to bedtimes – being a parent can be tough. Balancing competing demands isn’t easy and almost everyone comes under pressure at times. As parents, we know those challenges all too well.
Babies and children thrive when parents are loving, warm and responsive but how do you deal with unwanted behaviour?
At NSPCC Cymru/Wales we have long championed ‘positive parenting’ which can help mums and dads develop that warm parenting style.
You try to give children five pieces of fruit and vegetables a day, so why not also try to praise them five times a day as well?
Many parents successfully use star charts or other systems that reward children for good behaviour.
But sometimes children’s behaviour crosses a line and it’s necessary to take on the side of parenting that almost everyone finds especially challenging – how best to discipline your child correctly and effectively.
Whenever we carry out research at the NSPCC into physical punishment parents tell us they don’t like smacking their children. They only do it when they become angry themselves or as a last resort.
With very young children and babies it’s crucial to remember that they cry when they are tired, hungry or uncomfortable and parenting is about finding out what is wrong and putting it right.
This helps develop the strong bond between a parent and baby.
But older children do need clear boundaries and sticking to them is essential.
Using positive parenting techniques and talking to children and listening to what they have to say will ensure you become the ‘expert’ on your child.
This approach helps reduce stress and frustration and ensures a child grows into a confident, happy and emotionally literate young person.
It’s a method that the Welsh Government is recommending. Their ‘Parenting Give it Time’ website has lots of useful advice and last year the Chief Nursing Officer for Wales highlighted the importance of this positive approach to parenting.
It’s not about telling parents how to raise their children or dictating a set of rules, it’s about offering support and providing readily available advice that can boost the health and well-being of parent and child alike.
So how can the principles behind positive parenting help mums and dads take control?
SETTING BOUNDARIES
This is an important first step. Children really need to know what’s okay and what’s not. Parents can try to:
Keep guidance simple and consistent
Clearly explain what you’d like your child to do, if they’re misbehaving Avoid rash decisions in anger Review family rules and boundaries as they get older Get support if you’re struggling For babies and toddlers, introduce boundaries early
Sympathise with how your child may be feeling
Share your own feelings relieves stress
Try to avoid using orders and ultimatums
REWARDS
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For older children, be willing to give your child chances to show they can be trusted.
Avoid too much criticism where possible and try explaining why you’re unhappy with behaviour. Different parents will have different views about the best ways to encourage children to change their behaviour and only a parent knows what works for their child. But for all ages it’s worth trying to:
Praise children, even for the little things and even consider asking what would be a good reward
Talk to your child about the rewards and consequences of their behaviour
Take time to listen and always be a role model
Avoid smacking at all costs. Ideas on bringing up children have changed a great deal and we now know a lot more about the damaging effect of a smack on a child’s relationship with mum or dad
BUILDING POSITIVE RELATIONSHIPS
Every mum, dad and child is different. But finding individual ways to build relationships with children is important for everyone. That could mean:
Showing your child you’re interested in what they like and coming up with enjoyable activities to do together (children learn through play – that’s when they’re most likely to absorb information)
Asking your child for their views and being willing to listen
Never giving up or being too hard on yourself if something doesn’t work
Keeping your cool and finding ways to manage stress and frustration is another important focus of positive parenting.
Having a child is the most rewarding thing any person can do but it’s hugely important to make time for yourself, too.
Always be as prepared as possible and access support from your health visitor, school nurse, GP, local Families First service or us at the NSPCC if you need it.
Getting help is too often seen as a weakness. It’s far from it.
There is no perfect parent. But taking a positive approach and focusing on rewards can have a hugely beneficial impact on development.
Children’s needs and behaviours change as they get older, and understanding those needs will help you better understand your child.
This can give you the strongest possible chance of taking control, shaping your child’s development and ensuring your own health and well-being is secure.