‘At the awards I realised how much I had achieved in a year’
Anna-Louise Bates has turned the most horrific family tragedy into a huge charity effort. Ruth Mosalski reports
“One of Stu’s favourite films was Titanic and that’s all about Rose getting on with her life. Stu had been travelling and seen the world whereas I threw everything into my career.
“But we made sure we travelled as a couple so he would be telling me to do that.”
She added: “Every day for us was life lived to the max. That’s what we did. I have got to carry that on.
“My body sometimes tells me not to, but we have to. I am the only person that went through that whole 24 hours and the whole thing since.”
In July, Joshua Staples, 22, from Tonyrefail, was jailed for 16 months after pleading guilty to causing death by careless driving.
He was driving on the A4119 in Talbot Green when his Alpha Romeo hit Stuart and Fraser.
Anna-Louise knows she is blocking out part of the incident, and admits she will never get closure as “I will never know exactly what happened”.
But, even in their darkest hours, Anna-Louise and her loved ones have been hugely comforted by the good that Fraser in particular managed to do.
After his death, his organs were donated, and he has saved four other lives. Despite going through every parent’s worst nightmare and having to say goodbye to her husband and her son within hours of each other, Anna-Louise was able to make the decision to donate Fraser’s organs because her family had already had that discussion.
She has made it her goal to get others talking about organ donation and a way to offer others support.
With grit and determination that few of us can imagine summoning, she has set up Believe, an organ donation charity.
Every speech she has given, every interview she has gone through and every time she has spoken has helped boost the profile of Believe and has led to it raising more than £100,000.
As the charity has evolved, along with the board, aims have now been drawn up to choose the direction it will go in. The money will fund training for volunteers who will work with families.
In the weeks and months after the collision, Anna-Louise noticed gaps in the provision of care for families.
Anna-Louise said: “Along with educational tools which we are developing, we want to develop the support that is available for families.
“Organ donation is usually the result of trauma such as a road traffic accident or a sudden incident like a stroke. We want volunteers to help talk to families.
“The volunteer can be the contact who will come and see you in the weeks after, at three months, six months and nine months.
“What I needed after week one is much different to month nine.”
She knows first hand, that there is paperwork and admin that needs to be completed straight after a trauma.
She hopes those who have received help will in time help others.
“It should become self-perpetuating because if you have been helped through the process and received that support, hopefully you would want to come to mentor and help someone else.”
Anna-Louise was there on the night and witnessed the horrific moment. That still, understandably, haunts her. Yet, within the darkness, there have been moments of light.
The bears that were donated by House of Fraser in the days after her son’s death spread an idea – Believe bears travelling the world raising awareness of the charity.
They have been to all four corners of the globe and form another important reminder of the popular Llysfaen Primary School pupil.
“That’s one of the real buzzes I get is when I see on Facebook the bear travelling the world,” Anna-Louise said. “It’s as if Fraser is doing that as well.” There have also been fundraising days, teams doing marathons and half marathons, charity runs and more.
Then, in October she was nominated for a Pride of Britain award and attended the star-studded ceremony. It brought something home to her. “I realised when I was there how much I had achieved in a year. We’re actually a Welsh registered charity, I think that’s one of the things I am most proud of.”
But she wants to take a step back from the charity and return to being just “Spanna” – her family’s nickname for her – and Elizabeth’s mum.
“I want to go back to being Spanna, I want to go back to being the Spanna Stu fell in love with.
“The objectives are now clear and the focus is there. I want to increase the number of trustees so that I can take my foot off the gas to concentrate on me and Elizabeth’s future.
“The fact we have managed to do so much, so quickly means I am now in a position to go back to my number one role in life, being Elizabeth’s mum. Everyone I have met along the way has been brilliant and amazing and supportive. Believe is my passion,” she said.
“The boys are so proud of what I’ve done, I know that.”