A parents’ simple guide to exams without tears
Exam season is upon us. Here A-level student Katie Waits writes a guide for parents coping with their children’s revision, and advises on how to get the balance right...
EXAM time: a period of stress, drama and sleepless nights. It feels as though the worries and revision will never stop. Whether it be GCSEs or A-levels, it’s a time of great importance and to us, the poor teenagers who must endure it, it seems like the end of the world. We have to dedicate weeks to revision, meaning that you parents, grandparents and guardians have to deal with our worries and annoyances for weeks too. Everyone struggles together.
Ideally, parents should take an active interest in their child’s school life and be there at times like this. Maybe you don’t know what to do when your child is struggling. Are they not themselves? Do you wish you could do something to help them in such a key part of their lives? There are many ways in which you can do this.
Comfort. To get on with any work, your child must be comfortable. No, I don’t mean letting them laze on the sofa – make sure there is a table or desk for them to work at. There is nothing worse than trying to revise with limited space.
Communication is also key. As much as I understand that a lot of people may prefer to keep to themselves, it is important that you and your child talk. An interest in what they’re studying or letting them know you’re available to talk goes a long way. Do not overdo this! Don’t pester your child unexpectedly about these things while they are revising. Just don’t do it. It’ll cause unnecessary stress, especially if they’re immersed in their revision. Showing concern for your child is natural but do not smother them. Give them space. However, that doesn’t mean to say avoid your child. Check on them if they’re having a break or just let them know that you’re going to check in on them. Bring them a drink or some food if you do so. Being hydrated and fed is especially important in succeeding.
Another thing that you can do for your child is encourage them. Absolutely do not tell them it’s fine to fail but also, don’t put pressure on them. The worst thing you can do is say “When you pass...” or “When you get an A*...” – this will put an awful lot of pressure on them. Instead, it’s better to reassure them that as long as they’ve tried their best, you’ll be proud. It always feels nice knowing that your parents are on your side.
Understand that they’re stressed. They are going to be upset, quiet, irritable – try not to get too mad if their room is a mess or if they don’t immediately do what you’ve asked them. Chances are, they’ll get around to doing it eventually. Also, understand that there could be a lot of tears and frustration. I know different people react differently to stress but a lot of teens will react this way; especially if they have a particular aim or goal in their minds. Whether they want to achieve that A* or C, their goals should be respected.
The best thing that you can do is be patient and maybe even offer a helping hand (if you know what you’re doing, that is). Don’t tell them how to revise either, especially if they’re now doing their A-levels. They’ll know what revision techniques work for them by now, hopefully.
Also, make sure your child doesn’t go overboard with revision. Obsessively revising all day and all night will never do anyone any favours; tiredness and headaches will most likely be the result.
Preventing your child from revising would not be wise. Yes, day-trips every now and then are a brilliant way to relax and forget stress for a while, but try not to take your child on holiday or arrange major plans near exam time.
Of course, there are going to be times when events and issues arise that can’t be prevented. Although, ultimately, you shouldn’t stop their study time just because you want them to do minor, trivial tasks. Another idea, if you have other children, is to make sure they do not bother their revising sibling. This is crucial to minimise distractions.
Exam time is difficult for everyone; for the teens taking the exams and for parents who have to see their children stressed. These are only a few examples of how to keep this stress to a minimum. As someone studying for my AS exams I feel stressed a lot, but I can truthfully say that without my parents I would not cope as well as I do. I imagine this is the case for many others my age. Parents’ efforts are indeed a way to get through exams so, please, bear these tips in mind.
Katie, 16, from Pontypridd, is studying English Literature and Language, Religious Studies, History and French at Hawthorn High School.