Set a good example and promote good behaviour
Dealing with your child’s tantrums and challenging behaviour is one of the most stressful parts of being a parent. Doris Crossman, an award-winning parenting officer who works on the Welsh Government’s Flying Start programme, shares her tips on encouragin
I believe the word “naughty” is overused.
Challenging behaviour is often about young children learning to regulate their emotions and working out what behaviour is acceptable.
Young children just need to learn to calm down, so calmly discuss with them where they’d like to calm down (eg. behind the sofa or under a blanket) so they feel part of the process, and give them a calming activity (eg. cwtching a favourite teddy).
Whether your child is shouting, screaming, hitting or biting, take them somewhere safe (not in a separate room) to calm down. Try to avoid eye contact, keep your voice calm and soothing, and be firm in your resolve to keep them there until they have calmed down enough.
Then go back to playing with their toys, for example, so they gain positive attention for appropriate behaviour. Be warned, this process may initially take a while. to manage challenging behaviour.
They usually feel better. There is always another way. When you’re overtired and dealing with challenging behaviour, logic can often go out of the window. But we need to practise the behaviour we want from them. Remember, there is no point in shouting – not only is it potentially damaging to their development, but young children simply don’t understand it. The same goes for trying to reason with a baby or toddler. When you are asking them to do something, use simple words they will understand and break tasks into small steps. Try using the words “now” and “then” to help them understand that a reward will follow good behaviour, (eg. “Put your toys away now and then Daddy will read you a story”).
Kyou need to do to avoid tantrums triggered by mundane activities is to find a suitable distraction technique.
So next time you find yourself dealing with a wriggling, kicking, distraught child during a nappy change, try handing them a toy to play with or pointing to something they can look for. Done correctly, this can often prevent tantrums before they get under way.
Instead of issuing demands, offer your child choices. For example, instead of saying, “Put your top on”, ask them if they’d like to wear their red or blue top. This should help prevent them refusing to get dressed and avoid a battle.
“First” and “then” is also a handy technique to try (eg. “First put your coat on, and then we can play outside”). Sometimes the word “no”, however necessary, is all it takes to provoke a tantrum.
Instead we encourage parents wherever possible to keep it positive.
Reinforce the positive behaviour you’d like to see, rather than concentrating on what they’re doing wrong.
For example, rather than “don’t stand on your chair”, try “bottom on the chair”.
Keep the sentences short and when they’re exhibiting the positive behaviour you want to see, remember to give lots of positive attention and praise. If you choose to adopt a parenting technique such as ignoring minor bad behaviour, you need to ensure all caregivers – both parents, but also grandparents, siblings etc – are on board and reinforce the same methods. Children thrive on positive attention, so enlist the help of others.
If you’re praising a child for holding your hand and you see someone you know, tell them about the positive behaviour your child is exhibiting so they can reinforce your praise.
In time, they’ll need less praise for that activity. As bedtime approaches, avoid mobile phones and iPads.
The blue light they emit is believed to negatively affect levels of the sleepinducing hormone melatonin.
Tired children – and adults – are more prone to exhibiting unwanted or challenging behaviour.