Why lovesick Luke’s musical plea failed to strike a chord
COLUMNIST
ACCORDING to the Paul Simon song there must be 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover. But there’s only one way to behave when you’re the one who’s been dumped – with quiet dignity.
However, anyone who’s had their heart ripped out and stamped on will know this course of action is about as likely as Donald Trump getting a decent haircut and admitting there might just be something in this climate change lark after all.
Few people use their head when their heart has been damaged. Love is a drug and when your departing other half cuts off the supply, the instant plunge into cold turkey can be excruciating. And not just for the dumped.
Consider the example of the jilted musician who has been hitting all the wrong notes this week as the desperate measures he employed to woo back his ex went viral.
Lovesick Luke Howard vowed to play the piano until his former girlfriend took him back. The 34-yearold took up residence on Bristol’s College Green with his upright and pummelled the ivories day and night for 48 hours until forced to abandon his performance following a chorus of social media disapproval.
After the relationship with the girlfriend he refers to only as his “Rapunzel” broke up after four months, he took to the keys on Saturday morning.
Describing the round-the-clock recital as his “last throw of the dice,” he added: “I just want her to know how much I love her, to give us a chance rather than leave it there.
“I’m not ready to throw in the towel yet.”
Now, depending on your levels of romantic empathy – and indeed proximity to a bloke banging a piano in a park all night – there are two possible reactions to lovelorn Luke’s Big Gesture. Either “Oh bless him, how sweet!” Or: “Oh. My. God. Complete stalker!”
Most of the online reaction expressed the latter sentiment.
As one woman wrote on Twitter: “He’s trying to publicly coerce someone who privately rejected him. It’s weird and borderline abusive.”
Another said: “Isn’t this a bit creepy?”
And one just quipped: “Perhaps she was looking for a bigger pianist.”
Luke denied he was being musically manipulative but by the time he played his last chord he did seem to have developed a modicum of self-awareness, admitting he had turned himself into “the biggest fool in the West Country”. So what were his motives? “I am just a guy who was trying, albeit naively, to show someone how much he loved them,” he explained. “And I am very sorry that has offended so many. My intention was never, ever to coerce, emotionally force or use pity to bring this girl back. She is one of the strongest-willed human beings I have ever met so to suggest she would succumb to such a tactic is insulting to her. I know people in my situation will send flowers or text or write letters but that only ever seems to make things worse. The more I thought the worse it became and the only thing I could think to do was play.”
One thing’s for sure. If Luke was a lady he’d have been labelled a bonkers bunny boiler before he’d finished his first al fresco arpeggio. The stereotype of the woman scorned resorting to borderline psychopathy is entrenched in popular culture.
But the cliché of the clingy ex can apply equally to both sexes. It’s just that women get called out for it more.
Those of us on the sidelines of other people’s emotional carnage, meanwhile, go through the Ground- hog Day scenario of listening to them constantly picking through the wreckage in extreme detail, while we offer advice we know they will never take. Like just ignore your ex. Nothing works better but hardly any dumpee realises the only possible way to rekindle interest from a former partner is to show complete disinterest in them.
We’ve all been there, as they say, but those who are still there are not in the mood for rational solutions from those who have left the madness behind.
Luke has been pilloried for his piano-playing pleas but in the heat of heartbreak dragging a piano to the middle of a park would have seemed a perfectly reasonable tactic to him. I speak as someone who once held on to a departing boyfriend’s left ankle. What can I say? He was my first love. I was young, weeping and quite spectacularly stupid.
I’d never do that now. Oh no. Because I know the Break Up Rules. And, lovelorn Luke, so should you.
There is a mass of sound psychological advice online from profes- sional therapists. But here are a few practical top tips:
1. Step away from the phone. Especially if it’s 2am and/or if you’re drunk. Never text your ex in these circumstances because nothing you commit to words in this tired, emotional and possibly vengeful state will convince them to get back with you. Quite the opposite in fact.
2. Watch box-sets. Read books. Generally distract your brain from constantly analysing your turmoil. Probably not a good idea to catch up with the new series of Doctor Foster, mind you...
3. Talk to family and friends but consider chatting to a counsellor if you’re nearest and dearest show signs of (a) boredom (b) exhaustion or (c) frustration that you won’t take on board a single thing they say. Plus you may be storing up major awkwardness for the future if you do get back with your ex and you’ve spent several months discovering that your mates couldn’t stand him/her anyway.
4. Resist scrolling through their social media feeds. In fact, just block them. If you’re enduring the agony of a brutal dumping seeing your ex grinning smugly over a smashed avocado brunch on Instagram is just masochism. Also avoid slagging them off online and do some showing off instead. Living well is the best revenge.
5. Don’t idealise a relationship that had its flaws. Recall the bad bits. Remember what REALLY irritated you about the ex. (Euw those toenails...)
6. Although your self-esteem is on the floor don’t let someone who didn’t value you affect how you perceive yourself. Not everyone will be right for you and you won’t be right for everyone but that doesn’t mean there’s something inherently wrong with you.
And finally, while trawling through a plethora of serious relationship counsel, I came across the perfect break-up affirmation. In the words of Bill Murray: “Unless you are a pizza, the answer is yes, I can live without you.”
Lovelorn Luke, I hope that strikes a chord.