‘All I wanted was for someone to say ‘how are you?’
Mark Brameld, from Carmarthenshire, opened up about his battle with depression yesterday to mark World Suicide Prevention Day. Robert Harries reports
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PEOPLE who contemplate suicide never forget the date of the attempt.”
Mark Brameld certainly hasn’t. It was an April night in 2016. Four people – police officers – stopped him, dragging him from danger and into the back of a car. He was safe, for the time being.
Mark, aged 49, has revealed that years of hiding his true sexuality and the break-up of his marriage contributed to a deterioration in his mental health.
Originally from Yorkshire, he spent time working as a student nurse while caring for his younger sister after their father had left home. The main strain placed upon him, however, was living a lie that saw him act as a heterosexual despite knowing inside that he was not.
“When I was a student nurse, I used to date women, even though I was a gay man, just to fit in,” revealed Mark.
“You must understand that, living in south Yorkshire during the 70s and 80s, my family would have completely disowned me, so I followed the ‘norm’ of my male friends and relatives.
“In the late 90s I met my now-exwife, had two beautiful daughters, only to be followed by a divorce in the summer of 2005. By this time I was really struggling with my true identity and mental health.”
The anxiety and the anguish that had been bubbling up inside came to a head that April night four years ago, when Mark admits that his mental health took a dark turn.
“My eldest daughter had left home the previous Christmas – Boxing Day at 9.30am to be precise – after being told quite bluntly that her dad was a gay. I have had no contact with her since that day.
“It was a few months later, after a suicide attempt, that four policemen bundled me into a mental health crisis team vehicle.
“I was then taken to a local hospital, where a very nice clinical psychologist diagnosed me with clinical depression. I can’t begin to tell you how relieved I felt that I wasn’t ‘going daft’, as my late grandmother would say.”
Despite the comfort offered by the psychologist and the diagnosis, Mark’s despair was not over, his battle for sanctuary from his own dark thoughts was not won.
“Since then, I’ve had two more suicide attempts, the most recent one on July 2, 2019,” he said.
“People who contemplate suicide never forget the date of the attempt. Feeling suicidal is like being in a very small rowing boat in the middle of a large ocean. At the time of feeling alone and suicidal, all I wanted was for someone to say, ‘How are you?’
“That’s all it takes – three simple words.”
He has chosen to speak out to mark yesterday’s World Suicide Prevention Day, an annual marker to raise awareness of suicide and to highlight ways to prevent it.
Mark is a champion of Time to Change Wales – the first national campaign focusing on reducing the stigma and discrimination faced by people with mental health problems.
According to a report carried out by the Samaritans, between 300 and 350 people die by suicide every year in Wales – that’s around three times the number of people who are killed in road collisions. In men aged between 20 and 49, suicide is the most common cause of death.
“Mark’s powerful story demonstrates the critical need for early intervention to preventing suicide,” said Lowri Wyn Jones, programme manager at Time to Change Wales, whose role and aim is to end the stigma and discrimination surrounding mental health.
“Suicide is not a mental health problem in itself, but it is linked to mental distress. Just simply checking in on someone and asking, ‘how are you?’ can be the first step in saving someone’s life.
“It takes members of society such as family, friends, colleagues and community members to come together and support each other through times of crisis.
“It’s time to change our attitude and behaviour towards mental health in society and save more people from dying by suicide.”
The national campaign is imploring people to not suffer in silence and to seek help, telling them that “it is OK to talk about it”.
For confidential support the Samaritans can be contacted for free around the clock 365 days a year on 116 123.
For more information about Time to Change Wales, visit www. timetochangewales.org.uk