‘I finally left my abusive husband of 17 years after he threatened to kill me’
AWOMAN finally broke away from an abusive marriage after her husband threatened to kill her.
Ceri Jones’ husband had also warned her about going to a friend’s house in case any men were there, and sent her text messages telling her to return home, before confronting her in a rugby club.
The incidents led to David Jones, of Ash Grove in Cimla, appearing in the dock at Swansea Magistrates’ Court, where he pleaded guilty to a charge of harassment to put someone in fear of violence. His wife Ceri has now urged other victims of domestic abuse to seek help from agencies such as Women’s Aid.
She said: “I was in a vulnerable position when I met David. I had lost my father to cancer and lost my job as well because I’d taken time off to deal with the grief. He absolutely love bombed me; we moved in together after a week and were married within five months.
“It was very intense, and we would argue, but he would always apologise and we’d make up”.
Ceri finally received the help she needed to leave the relationship in the run-up to Jones’s latest court appearance.
She had gone to visit her friend in Crynant in Neath in June, prompting her husband to send her text messages telling her to return home. Swansea Magistrates’ Court was told the texts were part of a pattern used by Jones ‘when he can’t get his own way’.
He later went to the house where his wife was visiting and walked by outside with their dog, in a way to ‘fear violence would be used against her’.
Later that night Ceri had attended Crynant Rugby Club with her friends, to be followed by Jones, where he was aggressive towards her, swiping a drink off the table and threatening her to come home or he ‘would kill her’.
In September he was also seen driving past her home on numerous occasions, and sending further texts to her, despite being on bail since July.
Prosecuting, Mia Sturgess told the court a report prepared by the probation service ‘makes difficult reading’ and added: “There is a degree of planning.
“The defendant had threatened her and what the consequences of going out would be. Later on he walked past the house and sent texts that she had seen before, to make her return home, which did not work.
“It was quite calculating and not
the first incident in which it had happened. He said ‘I will ******* kill you. There had better not be any men there’”.
In a victim personal statement read to the court, Ceri said she had first met Jones when she was in a vulnerable state and the relationship had progressed rapidly, with the couple moving in together within a few weeks of meeting each other, and marrying within five months.
It was only after they were married Ms Jones discovered her new husband had spent time in prison, but told her ‘it had all been lies and he was not guilty’.
The couple had lived in England for a period of time, she said, where he had turned up to her place of work and ‘kicked off’, embarrassing her in front of colleagues so much that she left the job.
She told probation ‘every time he would try to persuade her he would change. He said he would stop drinking and threaten to kill himself or herself if she left’.
It was only by contacting Women’s Aid that Ceri felt she had the support she needed to move on with her life.
Jones pleaded guilty to a charge of harassment to put someone in fear of violence.
Mitigating, Leila Williams said he had pleaded guilty at the first opportunity, noted his previous conviction for battery against Ceri dating back to 2009 was ‘again fuelled by alcohol’, but that he had no convictions since then.
She added the couple were now progressing through the family courts with regard to their 10-yearold daughter.
Jones was made subject to a community order for 18 months, including provision for 31 days building better relationships requirement; 30 days rehabilitation requirement; alcohol counselling and personal wellbeing requirement. He was also told to carry out 120 hours of unpaid work, and pay £85 costs and £95 surcharge, making a total of £180.
In addition, he was made subject of a restraining order to last for three years, and was reminded he must not contact Ceri nor write about her on social media.
Sentencing, chairman of magistrates Carol Andrew said: “The [presentence] report did make hard reading but we have decided to go along with its recommendations.
“This was a very nasty incident. You are very lucky not to be going into custody. You need to work with probation to address your behaviour and get yourself on the right track. This is the opportunity to change your behaviour”.
Following the sentence, Ceri said: “It’s hard to stand up against your abuser when the judiciary system hands out such lenient sentences. I’ve lived in fear, I’ve been physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, coerced, and controlled by my abuser. My husband.
“The only reason I’ve been able to take it this far after so many years, is to show my daughter what is not acceptable in a relationship.
“I’ve tried to leave on many occasions and have phoned the police and felt let down by the system back then, but with the support I now have from Woman’s Aid and the police who helped me through it, has given me confidence to finally walk away for good.
“He was given a building better relationships order following his previous offence against me back in 2009 and in my experience it doesn’t work, and I doubt it will work this time either, they only really work if an offender really acknowledges their behaviour themselves.
“I desperately advise any woman to be aware of any red flags when dating, and to consider using Claire’s law. Red flags you might notice could be never-ending compliments, excessive texting phoning, being charming, constant attention to you, claims you are soul mates, over gifting, being intense too quickly, trying to rush you into a relationship and always making themselves out to be a victim.
“Most importantly of all trust your instincts, if your gut tells you it’s too good to be true, it is. If you feel you are in this situation please reach out and tell someone, support is out there, please don’t waste as many years as I have”.
She added: “People ask why I stayed with him so long and it is difficult to explain. It’s called cognitive dissonance – they have got into your mind so much, your heart says one thing but your head says another.
“They give you all the love or anger, and a hormone is released in you and it gets like an addiction. They have done something in your brain. I know what my life was but I did not know how to get out of it. It was entrapment of the mind. To finally walk away was really hard. If I did not have the support of Women’s Aid I think I would have gone back - it’s like better the devil you know.
“But Women’s Aid gave me the tools. I still have the memories, the feelings of disgust, but I just had enough. I did not want my daughter growing up around this behaviour and thinking it was acceptable.”