MORNING SERIAL
I FELT I was being pushed away when it came to making decisions and then pulled in when she suffered the consequences of those decisions. I was at the mercy of her drama.
The next few times I visited Mum she talked incessantly about Gerald, who was clearly very attached to her and also seemed to have a lot of influence over her. Though he was not in good health, he was a lot younger and far more energetic than she was. I couldn’t help but agree with my mum that it seemed very odd that a man like Gerald would become so suddenly and intensely entwined with an elderly lady. However, she seemed more than willing to leap into the relationship. Gerald had come along and paid her a lot of attention. That must have been flattering and it might even have seemed like a last chance to fulfil a romantic fantasy.
While it seemed ideal that she had someone to share her time with, she talked as though she had suffered a traumatic emotional onslaught. She was a nervous wreck, chewing her lip as she sighed and tried, but failed, to settle in her seat. Beneath her furrowed brow her eyes looked pained and tired. I was finding it mildly alarming to listen to what sounded like the angst of a teenager with a heavy crush.
One day I asked her, “Are you having secret meetings behind the mobility-scooter shed?”
“It’s not like that. But that’s quite funny actually,” she said, and she managed a laugh. That was it! I hadn’t seen her laugh for ages. Humour had always been one of her strong suits, even if it was of the dry and somewhat sardonic variety. These days we rarely shared a joke. Mirth had been hijacked by angst.
Perhaps what Mum really needed was a close female friend to have fun with – someone to confide in – but she had neglected the search for a bosom pal in favour of something romantic and all-consuming, though not in any physical sense. It was extraordinary to witness this, and a bit of a shock. I was not sure I could deal with my mother’s enormous feelings.
> Scrabble in the Afternoon by Biddy Wells is published by Parthian at £8.99.
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