Western Morning News (Saturday)
The joy of dog walking in all weathers
AS the dark wet days creep in, us dog walkers have to summon up the sinews to face cold and rain to keep our dogs happy. Some dogs love it, some don’t. Our old dog Tinkerbell was harder to move than a bag of wet sand when it was raining. Our current one couldn’t care less.
The change in weather makes me think of German dog owners. Last year a German law was about to be passed saying that dogs must be walked twice a day for at least an hour. Tinkerbell would not have been amused by that. And how do you police the idea? Will dogs get stop watches to time their constitutionals? “You’ve been out for an hour and a half” says their owner. “You can’t report me.” “Aah, but you stood chatting to that bloke for 25 minutes,” says Fido. “But you wasted time sniffing at least five bums and dug up a rabbit hole,” says owner. “That’s time out when you could have been walking”.
And what about when it’s too hot to walk our canine companions? Does a dip in the river count? I’ve asked my dog about this but she doesn’t seem to care as long as she can pinch someone else’s ball. Hmm. Ball theft. Could that be a serious offence? I can see this could be quite complicated.
But Juila Klockner, Germany’s agriculture minister, is bringing in some laws we ought to take on board. Like not allowing dogs to be tethered on a chain or a lead for long periods. Or allowing them to be left alone at home all day on their own. Quite right. We’ve all put up with dogs that have barked incessantly and it’s terrible to listen to. It reminds me of a time when TV personality Katie Boyle came to stay. We’d worked together for years and were close friends. Her visits to us were never without incident and this was no exception. A neighbour’s dog began to bark. After several hours, Kate, an ardent dog lover, could stand it no more and decided to take action. Resplendent in high heels, she climbed up a ladder by our wall and peered over to see where the animal might be. Later that night, when the barking stopped and the owner was obviously home, she set off like a galleon in full sail, her Italian blood rising passionately. Knowing her ability to cause a riot, I hung back, reluctantly accompanying her.
After all, she was on the train home the next day and I was the one who would have to pick up the pieces from any outcome with my neighbour.
Getting no reply from her insistent banging, Kate then bent down and shouted through the letter box. “I think your dog is being left too long on its own,” she said imperiously. “I’m a committee member of Battersea Dogs’ Home”. The response came back: “And I’m the Tsar of Russia, now bxxxxx off”.
So yes, I reckon Kate would have got on well with Frau Klockner. The walking bit can be more dangerous than it seems. I read a story about a chap called Gao who took his dog for a walk round his home town of Harbin, in China. And suddenly it started raining cats and dogs. Well, to be more accurately, cat. Because out of the sky flew a cat which landed on his head. The creature had plunged from a nearby building and landed on the chap’s head, knocking him unconscious. The dog, a retriever, realised his owner was unresponsive, spotted the cat and did what many dogs do – he chased it. The incident was captured on video and the dog walker spent 23 days in hospital. The cat definitely lost a couple of lives that day and managed to survive being a furry missile and escaping from a bemused dog. Have to say, the vision of this story made me laugh out loud – sorry about that Gao – you’ve got to be more careful.
The story of another dog that bit off more than it could chew was told to me by a pal who was the picture editor of a large regional newspaper upcountry. One of his friends was a policeman at one of the Queen’s residences. On duty on a bitterly cold night, one of the corgis had been let out for a wee. It tore up to the copper and sunk its teeth into his leg. Shaking the dog off and cussing to himself, the man picked up a stick to distract it. Unfortunately it bounced off a tree and went through the ice on a nearby pond, followed by our Sovereign’s favourite dog. The chap did no more than to wade in and grab it. As he waded out, he saw a shadowy, but very recognisable profile by the door some way away and the dog went hurtling back to her. A few weeks later he received a commendation for bravery and services to her Majesty... Now that was a winter walk with a difference.
‘ Your dog is being left too long on its own,’ she said imperiously. ‘I’m a committee member of Battersea Dogs’ Home’. The response came back: ‘And I’m the Tsar of Russia, now bxxxxx off’