Western Morning News (Saturday)
More than enough love to share every day
ITHINK it’s a bit of a shame that we need Valentine’s Day. Yes, I know he’s the patron saint of engaged couples and happy marriages, of lovers and love, but even so I think he’s falling down on the job just to turn up on February 14th every year.
As I write this, the card industry will be in a frenzy, on-line florists will be ordering up red roses like there’s no tomorrow and restaurateurs will be looking gloomily at their empty tables, normally full of lovedup couples.
Some of us will be waiting, hopefully, for a card to plop through the door, or an online love message, longing that February 14th will bring romance, a renewal of love, and with it a pattering of the heart.
February 14th gives us permission to show our feelings to loved ones or those we want to declare our thoughts to. Well, that’s no good to me. I want St Valentine to be on duty every day of every year. I mean, wouldn’t the world be a better place if we showed love to each other on a daily basis?
I’m not talking about romantic love here either. Love comes in many forms and doesn’t require a financial outlay to express it. Let’s start with a smile. Try walking along the street and smiling at a stranger. I guarantee they’ll respond. If they don’t, never mind, because someone will respond and you’ll feel a nice glow inside when you do. Either that or you’ll get a whack round the head with a handbag, but even if that happens, keep it up.
OK so you don’t feel like being Mary Poppins. You’ve had a difficult day and the last thing you want to do is send out peace and harmony. I guarantee though that you’ll feel better if someone shows you some love. All any of us want is to be loved at the end of the day. And I think that when people attack us at some level it’s because they’re not feeling loved.
You can’t give love if you don’t feel it though. And you can only feel it if you start giving it. It can be shown in small ways. Start with a smile, opening a door for someone, calling up a lonely person, offering to do shopping, sharing a joke. Never mind Covid, I think love is contagious, love spreads quicker than wildfire if we allow it, so don’t batten it down. Giving it in thought, word or deed strengthens the love within us, holding back diminishes it.
Love between couples often goes wrong because we try and control one another, take over each other’s space. Hubs has shown me how to love without giving up who I am, because we grant each other the freedom, and the space to be individuals at the same time as we are a couple. We really respect each other’s strengths and Hubs has shown me that true love doesn’t require the dimming of my light so that he can shine. Or vice versa. On the contrary we are the light of each other’s lives and we want to shine as bright as we can together. Except when it comes to reading maps or remembering passwords (me) or hoarding ‘junk’ or doing his car in his decent clothes. Then the dimmer switch definitely kicks in. Despite that we always reckon we’re two halves of an apple, and that suits me just fine.
I’ve written about my old friend Mavis before, but I think her wisdom is worth repeating here. She used to say, “Love making begins at breakfast”. She meant physical, as well as romantic love. “When you wake up in the morning” said this wonderful 90-year-old “you need to be shown affection from that moment, whether its loving words, a cup of tea or a gentle kiss. It’s no good thinking that loving someone begins and ends with a wandering hand under the bedclothes at night”.
Have you ever stopped to think that almost every song you listen to is about love? Rarely are lyrics about something other than love. It’s been that way since songs were sung. The most popular films have a love interest, an “aah” moment – from Shakespeare to Gone With the Wind or even hammy Bridgerton. Something in us wants to be reminded of that essence that brings us such deep happiness, healing and comfort.
The reason the world stops going round is when love isn’t there. Part of the problem is, I think, because we always hold others to a higher standard than the one we hold ourselves and that makes us critical, judgemental and attacking rather than loving. When we accept a single standard, treat others as we treat ourselves, love ourselves first and love others, then we’ve got some hope of a happier place.
Playwright Henry Miller said: “The only thing we never get enough of is Love, and the only thing we never give enough of is Love.” So don’t limit your loving to February 14th – you’ve got more than enough for everyone – every day. Now that really would make the world go round and St Valentine might be out of a job.
You can’t give love if you don’t feel it though. And you can only feel it if you start giving it