Western Morning News (Saturday)
Rude labels are not always what they seem
On Saturday
WELL, I’ve had a pig of a day. It’s been raining cats and dogs and it’s made me feel quite crabby. Instead of being busy as a bee, I’ve been quite slothful. Tried to cook toad in the hole for supper but my bird brain has made me work at snail’s pace and the awful meal made me quite waspish.
It wasn’t helped by my silly ass neighbour. This man’s a real a snake in the grass. He henpecks his wife while trying to goose me. He’s a sly old fox who wolf-whistles any birds, or “chicks” as he calls them. Looks sheepish when he’s caught out, the dirty rat. But honestly, to see him swan around makes me sick as a parrot. Thinks he’s God’s gift, when in fact he’s got a face like a fish. He’s a lounge lizard of the first degree, who claims he’s hung like a horse. Yuck, even the sight of his goat beard makes me sick, but he still keeps turning out the same old hogwash. It’s water off a duck’s back to me, of course.
He moaned he had a hangover the other day and asked if I had any “hair of the dog”. Told me he’d had a whale of a time the night before and, when I literally leap-frogged out of his way as he wormed his way towards me, he then tried to spin some shaggy dog story. He reckoned he’d been promised the lion’s share of a business, but his “batty bitch” of a wife said all he wanted to do was ape Richard Branson and that he was a snake in the grass where business was concerned. He’s as stubborn as a mule and, when he was accused of chickening out of his responsibilities to his family, he looked hang dog, went really bullish and was told his best job was being a professional lounge lizard.
It’s obvious, but he’ll never turn turtle to become a wise old owl, because leopards don’t change their spots – and I hope the English language doesn’t, either.
If you wonder what I’m on about, it’s in response to an animal rights organisation who recently protested that people are using names to insult people, thus “perpetuating oppression” and “reinforcing the myth that humans are superior”.
I think they’re wrong. The words I wrote aren’t meant to demean creatures. Language should be a colourful way of describing situations, whatever the subject, and frankly there are many worse terms of address we need to sort before animals. Don’t get me wrong, I’m passionate about animal welfare, about acknowledging their sentience, about the appalling, ignorant and shameful way that some animals are cared for. But I’m crying “fowl” about this latest missive.
The organisation suggests some of the following alternatives. If someone is a coward, they mustn’t ever be called “chicken”. Well, I had a word with my chicken, and she wasn’t too fussed. She said she called me far worse things under her beak and, as long as I let her get out and eat all the newly planted vegetables each spring, we could take her name in vain any old time we like.
What about calling someone a rat? Nope, that’s not allowed, though the rats who live round the chicken had a good laugh about this. They’ve known forever that they’re cleverer than people. The Harvard Business Review would agree, saying that in recent research rats can out-perform humans in certain tasks, indeed might even be our cognitive superiors in some tests. I think the piece was even written by a rat. The rats in our garden think we’re just getting above ourselves by taking their name in vain, but hey, if the animal rights group wants humans to be known as “snitch” instead, it couldn’t bother them less – just as long as they can still snitch the chicken feed without repercussion.
Even eating the last Rollo means I can’t be described as “piggish” any more because that would apparently cause our porcine friends to rise up on their trotters and squeal. No, such greed has, from now on, got to be described as “repulsive”. Hubs would probably agree, as they were his Rollos after all…
Those beautiful, doe-eyed branchhanging creatures, the sloths, never look to me as if they’d get upset by anything, let alone having their names used to describe someone as lazy. In all truth, having seen a number of sloths in their natural habitat, I think lazy just about sums them up. Teenage kids fit that name perfectly, but instead of hanging upside down from a branch they’re bonded to the sofa, their duvet, or the fridge door. But no, we mustn’t use the name sloth or slothful anymore.
I can’t help but think that there must be so many more really valuable issues to be challenged on behalf of the globe’s species. Honestly, what does this report do other than give work to some weirdo who is undoubtedly spending a government grant or university funding to come up with such a daft idea? They should be trying to improve animal welfare instead.
I had a word with my chicken, and she wasn’t too fussed. She said she called me far worse
ISaturday, February 27, 2021
By leaving so much to the child’s imagination, Creatable World toys appear rather dull
’M really not losing my head over it but I am a little puzzled over the decision to make a muchloved toy, based on a vegetable, gender neutral.
Mr Potato Head has been around since the 1950s but it wasn’t until Toy Story came along in the 1990s that he really gained any street cred.
In the Disney-Pixar film, Mr Potato Head angrily reminds other toys to use his courtesy title: “That’s Mr Potato Head to you, you back-stabbing murderer,” the plastic spud shouts at Woody, the toy cowboy played by American actor Tom Hanks.
So of all the toys to lose their honorific, it seems strange in the extreme that it should be Mr Potato Head.
But his US maker, Hasbro, has announced that from later this year, the toy – launched almost 70 years ago – will be named simply “Potato Head”.
“Hasbro is making sure all feel welcome in the Potato Head world by officially dropping the Mr from the Mr Potato Head brand name and logo to promote gender equality and inclusion,” a spokesman explained.
The company said the toy would allow children “to imagine and create their own Potato Head family” and the change has been welcomed by some as a “progressive move” despite being dismissed as a PR stunt by others.
Defending the change in an interview with business magazine Fast Company, Hasbro general manager
Kimberly Boyd said the Mr and Mrs brand was “limiting when it comes to both gender identity and family structure”. “Culture has evolved,” she added.
But that’s where I take issue with Hasbro and other companies who insist on updating traditional toys. Just like making Barbie less girly, less curvy and brunette, the move strikes me as lacking imagination, rather than really reflecting a modern world which embraces gender neutrality.
Mr Potato Head and Barbie are both creations of the 1950s. And just like the films, songs and books of that era, they reflect the culture and values of that time.
In the 60s we saw the arrival of Tiny Tears; Holly and Robbie Hobbie popped up in the 70s and those horrible Cabbage Patch Kids in the 90s.
Are all these toys to be recreated as non-binary or will today’s manufacturers come up with something that actually reflects life as it is now?
Maybe they have. In 2019, Mattel launched Creatable World, its first series of gender-neutral dolls.
Unlike the re-created Barbies and GI Joes the dolls are a blank slate. No broad shoulders, no full hips, no long lashes and children of any gender identification are encouraged to play with them.
But while children can choose their clothes and hair, the dolls don’t strike me as being much fun. They lack the magic of Barbie, the bravery of Action Man, the ludicrousy of Mr Potato Head and the heroism of Woody and Buzz Lightyear. All these characters come with a back story which makes them instantly popular.
We even love the gender-free Minions – or are they all male? – because we know they are loveable rogues.
By leaving so much to the child’s imagination, Creatable World toys appear rather dull to the adults who will buy them.
Is our current culture really as stifled as these dolls in their boring outfits? Will they really make a cracking Christmas present?
Perhaps, in preference to trying to change the beloved dolls we know and love, they are a great first effort on creating something that reflects modern values. But there has hardly been a rush of rival toys hitting the toy shops.
In the words of Buzz Lightyear, today’s toymakers need to take their ideas to “infinity and beyond”.