My breast cancer diagnosis was a challenge we faced together

From a shared love of Prosecco to navigating illness, Victoria Derbyshire tells Christina Quaine why her best friend Cathy is so special to her

Victoria derbyshire’s special friendship

VICTORIA SAYS…

TV presenter Victoria derbyshire, 49, lives with her partner, Mark sandell, and their two sons, oliver, 14, and Joe, 11, in London.

cathy and i first met 10 years ago when she came bounding over to talk to me

in the school playground. Our eldest sons had recently started in reception class and we were waiting to pick them up. I was feeling very low as my stepdad had recently died unexpectedly and Cathy came over and asked, “are you 909 Victoria?” It took me a few moments to realise that she was talking about the frequency of the BBC Radio 5 Live show I hosted back then. She was very smiley and she instantly lifted my spirits.

our friendship developed over the next few months as our families grew closer. my son, Oliver, and her son, alfie, ended up becoming best friends – they both support West Ham and started going to games together with mark and Cathy’s husband, Paul. One day, when Paul came over to pick up mark and Oliver I said, “You and Cathy will have to come for dinner one evening,” and the friendship grew from there.

i knew cathy was my kind of woman when she arrived at my house for dinner with the biggest bag of alcohol i’d ever seen! She brought a bottle of vodka, two bottles of Prosecco and loads of lagers. I thought, “She’s a party animal, I love her!” We ended up sitting around eating and drinking until 3am. We live two miles away from each other and our friendship has continued along a similar theme ever since – evenings spent round each other’s houses having kitchen discos until the early hours.

getting breast cancer in 2015 is one of the biggest challenges we’ve faced together. The night before my diagnosis was confirmed by my GP, I knew what was coming. I went to Cathy’s house for a girls’ night – I thought I had my game face on, but as soon as she looked at me she said, “Is everything all right?” So I came out with it – “I think I might have breast cancer.” She immediately offered to have our boys over that night so mark and I could get ready for the GP appointment the next morning. and when my diagnosis was confirmed, I remember Cathy saying, “We just need to get this thing out of you.”

“Cathy instantly lifted my spirits”

cathy was there for me when i cried, and she and Paul helped out a lot with the children. She remembered every single one of my hospital appointments and would text on the day saying, “Sending you love and luck.” She was amazing.

she’s got a brilliant sense of humour, which always puts me at ease. One time during chemotherapy, when a lot of my hair had fallen out, Cathy popped over. I could hear her downstairs in the kitchen talking to mark and thought, “Do I stay here so she doesn’t see me or shall I just show her?” I ended up going downstairs and said something like, “I’m really sorry about my hair, it’s so thin and ugly.” She said, “Well what’s my excuse? my hair’s like that anyway!” It was just what I needed.

When i finished treatment, i invited cathy and her family, along with some other friends, on holiday to a chateau in the south of France. There were 18 of us in total out there for eight days and it was amazing. The sun was shining, all the kids were there – and I was alive! It felt like a real triumph.

the one thing she does that annoys me? She always tries to persuade me to stay at a party when I’m ready to leave!

Cathy says…

cathy gower, 50, is Head of department of education at brunel University. she lives with her husband, Paul, and their sons, alfie, 14, and archie, 10, in London.

When i went over to Victoria to tell her i liked her radio show, i never dreamt i’d make a friend from it. my first impression was that, in many respects, she was pretty much like me. Both mums working full-time, never getting the front row at the school play because we were dashing in at the last minute, dropping the kids off at school as the car’s still moving, that sort of thing.

at the heart of our friendship are shared values, and much of that is based around our love of family and friends. She is one of the most loyal, generous people I’ve ever met. She doesn’t do grand gestures, she does things quietly and unassumingly that show how much she cares.

We’re both quite pragmatic and that’s how we dealt with her cancer diagnosis. We sat down together with our diaries and worked out what we could plan that she could look forward to, such as music and comedy gigs. We were realistic, we knew it was going to be awful, but we said “When it’s not so bad let’s do some nice stuff”.

We’re not afraid to tell each other when we have a difference of opinion. When she told me she’d been approached to do a TV show called The Real Full Monty: Ladies’ Night, where celebrities with a breast cancer connection had to strip off for charity, I said, “are you sure it’s right for you?” I wasn’t convinced. She went for it anyway and I have to admit, I was wrong; we all watched it together and I couldn’t stop crying. She is so gutsy and I felt so proud of her as a woman and as a friend.

Her off-screen persona is actually very close to the Victoria you see on TV. Obviously you don’t see her fun-loving, wild side so much on her show, but you do see her genuine interest in people. She loves hearing people’s stories and she is completely non-judgemental.

Victoria’s book Dear Cancer: A Diary of Hope to Help You Through is out now.