Here are my top eight freebies

1 Tap water

I’m loving the anti-plastic/ anti-food miles revolution because no longer do I look like a tightwad when ordering tap water, but instead a signed-up eco-conscious guardian of the world’s resources who has only altruistic motives on her mind. Ahem.

2 Little Chef lollies

Formative experience of freebies. And still irresistible today (though now, admittedly, they come with a side order of worry about losing a tooth).

3 Hotel amenities

Shampoo, conditioner, body wash – all need to be secreted into my washbag. But are toothbrushes, shoe shine, dental kit and cotton pads strictly necessary, you ask? yes, yes. And they’re all now filling up my house. Upon checkout I have to counsel my family to distract the receptionist from my bulging bags with innocent smiles.

4 Pens and pencils

low level, but still not insignificant on the joy front. The stripy pencils at london’s Ham yard Hotel are worth a detour for. Just saying.

5 John Lewis free tea and cake

I mean, those vouchers you get in exchange for joining My John lewis membership, sitting in your wallet, radiating smugness.

6 Other people’s heating

My step grandmother Joy informs me all her old lady friends are keen to visit B’s sheltered housing flat due to the subtropical warmth. I get it – Alpha Male thinks 18c is the perfect ambient temperature and as such I’ll be visiting B’s place soon.

7 Pizza Express vouchers

2-for-1 on main meals, free dough balls, 40% off food – all deliver a serotonin high equivalent to performing at The O2. Well, maybe not quite… but knowing you’ve paid half-price for your leggera is da bomb.

8 Airline booze

The glasses of champagne are just so tempting, right? Although getting off the plane looking like a shrivelled raisin with a mouth that feels like the bottom of a guinea pig’s hutch? Not so appealing. w&h