OUR EXPERT SAYS...

Susan Quilliam is a relationship psychologist and counsellor specialising in love and sexuality.

When erection is physically possible but doesn’t happen in specific situations, such as full sex, there’s often a psychological cause. This is often around early negative sexual messages, too high expectations or fear of the act.

It’s no one’s fault, but is all down to past history and social pressure.

Not appreciating that, Robert’s erectile problem triggered him into a downward spiral of shame and self-blame. Alison, low in self-esteem herself, was triggered too. Understandably, she needed full sex to bring them closer. Equally understandably, he felt threatened by her needs.

Then, because of embarrassment and fear, Robert felt unable to seek help – after that, break-up was probably inevitable.

What was needed here was understanding that the problem wasn’t anyone’s fault – plus self-belief and courage from

Robert, as well as specialist help from an expert.

Given those things, it could have resolved very differently.