‘Divorce set my wild side free’
Judith Noble, 75, is a retired community nurse. She lives with her rescue greyhound, Grace, in bradford.
In the spring, when the daffodils start to bloom and my ponds become a hive of activity, I sit in the garden and watch the wildlife. I’m not an expert gardener, but I planted every flower. It’s a hotchpotch, but it’s my hotchpotch.
I found this house back when I was unsure if I could even afford a mortgage on my own. I was scared to leave my husband after 40 years of marriage, but slowly I built a new life full of adventure and a happiness I’d long been missing.
I left home in County Roscommon, Ireland, when I was 18. My father had decided I wasn’t allowed to go to a dance and that was enough for me to head off to England. I settled in bradford but felt lost. I was desperate for security and married David within six months of meeting him, in october 1963.
I became a stay-at-home mum, raising four children. but as the kids got older, David became more distant. He told me it was time for me to get a job, but when I said I wanted to study nursing, he was furious. I think he wanted me to work behind a till in the supermarket. I was quietly determined, enrolling on a degree at bradford university when I was 40. little by little, I was discovering my voice. When I became a nurse, I loved it. at work, I felt respected and valued. but that only held a mirror up to how thwarted I felt at home.
I was outgrowing my marriage, but I didn’t think I could leave. My children couldn’t understand why I stayed long after they’d all left home. “Why are you cooking his dinner and washing his clothes?” my daughter Gail used to ask. Force of habit, I guess.
When I was really sad, I used to visit my brother in the New Forest. During one trip, I discovered Reiki healing. as a nurse I was initially sceptical, but I loved the idea of helping people heal emotionally and spiritually. I took my level one qualification, which got me thinking. If I was going to help others heal, it was time to start healing myself.
I was 60 then and had been married since I was 20. I was terrified of starting again but I began looking for somewhere to live. after I’d found a place, my daughters helped me move out. David sat there watching me leave. all I wanted, and all I did take, was my dog and my car. I felt nervous and had no idea who I was as a single woman. but after a few months, I had surprised myself – I was enjoying every moment.
I tried dating, but I couldn’t find a man who sparked anything in me. anyway, I had my children, a growing number of grandchildren and wonderful friends. but most importantly, I had me.
the first time I booked a holiday by myself took courage. but as I wandered through tiananmen square in China, I smiled. being alone wasn’t so bad. since then, I’ve walked through a forest in Gambia, listening to monkeys chatter in the trees. I’ve had a dip in the blue lagoon in Iceland. I’ve bought zippy little sports cars that turn heads at traffic lights. Divorce has set my wild side free.
David sadly passed away after being diagnosed with lung cancer not long after we divorced. I don’t regret marrying him and I’m forever grateful to him for our four wonderful children. When I was unhappily married the future always felt like it was shrouded in clouds. since going solo, the future is exciting. w&h
‘I’d found my voice and marriage didn’t suit me any more’