Relationship MOT

Don’t wait for it to be broke to fix it! Even the strongest partnerships need regular maintenance, explains relationship expert Susan Quilliam

would yours pass the test?

Of course you love each other and life together is good. Yes, there may be some dissatisfaction, disappointment, even doubt from time to time. But every couple experiences that, so surely you shouldn’t take it too seriously?

I disagree. As a relationship coach, I see many couples who hesitated to take a long, hard look at their partnership – and in the end, slid from mild dissatisfaction to serious disillusionment. On average, couples wait six whole years from the first hint of problems to attempting resolution. By that time, it’s often too late.

Which is why I’m a fan of the relationship MOT. That means regularly reviewing how you are thriving together, acknowledging your concerns and finding ways to make sure your love is on track.

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You may feel wary about suggesting a relationship MOT – what if your partner feels attacked or panics that you’re heading for divorce? If so, make sure you’re considering the following: ✢ Framework Don’t present the MOT as onerous but as enjoyable. Perhaps include it in the context of an evening out or a weekend away.

✢ Positivity Using criticism to get a partner involved rarely works. “You never do this” is likely to raise hackles. “I’d love you to do this” creates co-operation.

✢ BeneFits During and after the MOT, show how pleased you are. When changes happen, make your response affirmative and rewarding.

“Don’t ignore the warning signs – that can lead to big trouble. Instead, take a long, hard look at your partnership and focus on your particular concerns”