Focusing on you

Sometimes it’s OK to be ‘good enough’ rather than perfect

1 TREAT YOURSELF ONCE A DAY

Let go of the constant quest for self-improvement and, instead, be kinder to yourself. This challenges the nagging voice we all have at the back of our minds saying that we’re not doing well enough: in our work, relationships, or the way that we look. So, each day, do one thing that you find pleasurable to enforce the message that you deserve kindness. This could be getting a later train, or choosing an extra-nice brand of coffee. And if you make a mistake, like sending an email to the wrong person or forgetting a birthday, let yourself feel bad for a moment, but don’t heap on extra guilt. Instead, remind yourself that everybody gets things wrong sometimes. Being kind to ourselves helps us see other people’s vulnerabilities, which makes us more patient with everyone around us.

2 FIND A PURPOSE

It’s fine not to be ‘driven’ all the time – but if you feel there’s no meaning beyond the activities that make up your daily life, if you’re so caught up in getting through your to-do list that you’ve lost sight of a ‘bigger picture’, your soul will be paying the price. You know you’re living purposefully when you want to get up each morning and look forward to the day ahead. Listen to your internal guide, follow your instincts to move towards people, places, activities and experiences that excite you.

3 BE DECISIVE AND REDUCE STRESS

When you make a decision, whether big or small, use the same philosophy as if you were buying a top – once you’ve found a solution that works, don’t carry on searching. It’s about not allowing room for ‘what if’.

4 ACCEPT YOU

That habit of glancing critically at your thighs/nose/feet and imagining life with different features could add up to hours, days, weeks over a lifetime, all of them a drain on your most vital asset – self-esteem. Self-acceptance is the starting point on the road to happiness. It brings the ‘relaxation response’, which releases tension and frees us to make better

decisions and productive use of our energy. So, think about everything your body has done for you – the years of health and mobility, the children it may have carried – see it through the eyes of those who love you. When you next start wishing it away, try saying, ‘I appreciate my body and all it has done for me.’ Then repeat it.

5 DON’T TRY TO MAKE ALL WRONGS RIGHT

Ever think how much better life will be once you’ve steered your disinterested son onto the career ladder, or you’ve matched your friend with the perfect partner? We pour so much energy into making wrongs right – but trying to fix everything is a doomed struggle for control. When it comes to the lives of others, it’s far better to practise what psychologists call ‘unconditional positive regard’ – that’s complete support, along with acceptance. Leave them to get on with their lives. The more we let go of our need to control, the more what appear to be conflicts vanish.

6 SEE THE BEST IN EVERYBODY

‘Forgiveness’ is an important tool. If someone cuts us up in the car, our egos become aroused and we feel anger. In that moment, we have a choice. Do we listen to our ego or to our higher mind? Choosing the higher mind, we’d wave them on and forgive them. Once you start doing this, it feels so good you’ll want to do it again. Using this method of forgiveness over ego can improve your life and relationships. When we let ourselves get angry, we feel guilty and that guilt is projected into our bodies, which isn’t healthy for us.

7 YOU CAN’T PLEASE EVERYONE

Does the time spent acting as dutiful daughter to your ageing parents mean you can’t always be cook, chauffeur and PA to your teenage children, as well as being the first to pick up extra duties at work? The struggle to please everyone is self-defeating – there will never be enough of you to go round. Imagine for a moment that there’s no one else out there to please. What would you do for yourself? Now make time to do it – even if it means others will have to cope without you.