‘I EMBRACED MY FREEDOM BY TAKING TIME TO TRAVEL’
Dipti Solanki, 45, lives in London, and is a grief coach When my eldest son Hiran, now 21, left home at 18 to study law at Exeter University in 2019,
I sobbed like I’d never sobbed before, and couldn’t get out of bed for a week.
When friends told me I was being overly emotional and that it was a good thing, I completely agreed with the second bit. I was so proud of what he’d achieved and that he was following his dreams. But the first bit – that I was being overly emotional – they were wrong about.
I knew, as a grief coach, that with any change comes a conflict of emotions. I knew I could be proud of my son at the same time as being anxious about him starting a whole new life so far away from me, his dad and his younger brother Dhru, now 18, and grieving my son and the relationship we’d had so far.
I knew that, even if he did come home again, he’d be a totally different person to the one who’d left – full of experiences he’d had on his own, and independent in a way he’d never been before. And that he wouldn’t be as reliant on me as he had been previously.
I made sure I upped my self care, I journaled and took time creating a whole new routine with our household of three, rather than four. But I also realised, as Dhru made it known he also wanted to move out to study at 18, I’d be going through the same thing again before I knew it. So I started rediscovering things that I loved, and talked to my husband, Sanjay, now 50, about the future. We’d had the boys when we were quite young and had never had a chance to travel – so that’s what we decided to do.
Luckily, since lockdown, most of my clients were used to talking to me on Zoom, so I rearranged my work schedule to work three weeks out of every four. We’ve promised to see a new place every month.
Recently, we went on a family holiday to Turkey, and I stayed behind for an extra 10 days to go on a mountain retreat.
I still feel a sense of loss when it comes to my sons moving out, but the freedom to leave the nest, too – and return – helps to ease my grief.
✢ diptisolanki.com
‘I stayed behind for 10 days to go on a mountain retreat’