Why you should write A DIARY

Family memoirs and diaries are treasure troves, says Cathy Rentzenbrink

There is no such thing as an ordinary life. That’s what I’ve learnt since I started teaching memoir writing. I am always blown away by what lies just beneath the surface, that in any gathering of people there is such an incredible diversity of stories. All writing goals are good, but I have a special place in my heart for those with the ambition of crafting a family story so that it can be preserved for their children or grandchildren.

Perhaps I am a bit jealous. I come from a long line of nobodies where no one seemed to write much down. All my grandparents died young and we don’t have much in the way of photos or documentation.

I’d love to know more about my immediate ancestors; what my long dead Irish grandmother thought about as she waited in the queue for the pawn shop, or what happened to all those relatives that my son found out about during a school project, who are listed as arriving at Ellis Island in the early 1900s. Both my English great-grandfathers fought in World War One, but if they said anything about their experiences, none of it has filtered down to me.

So when I meet people who have access to older relations with good memories and trunks full of diaries and letters, I am so excited on their behalf. Often they have an urge to write but a fear that it might be boring or that no one will want to read it. I can’t believe that, I say, and encourage them to start writing about the grandfather who escaped from a prison camp, or the grandmother who travelled across the world when she was 20 to marry a man she’d never met. There is such richness in these tales, and a poignancy that comes because they are being told by a descendant.

Of course, it is interesting when personal stories intersect with big historical events, but what I most love is the granular details that emerge: what people ate, how they did the laundry, what they cared about, who they loved. Times have changed so much, and

I love hearing details about what games children played before the invention of television and the internet, or the struggle to pay for the doctor in a pre-NHS world, or how a clever girl wasn’t allowed to go to school after her mother died because she had to stay at home and look after her brothers.

It’s not that long ago that lots of people either had or were servants.

I’d love to read about the goings-on in a big house from the perspective of the parlour maid. And secrets are always very intriguing; forbidden love affairs and hidden siblings… There is a tantalising family rumour that my granny walked out with an American soldier. How I long for that to be true, and that I could find out more about it.

And, as well as investigating family history, I say, why not keep a diary now? Writing is such a beautiful way to connect with our own lives and encourage ourselves to look really closely at what is happening around us. I already feel regret that I didn’t write down everything about my son when he was small. Perhaps I thought I’d remember it all but, now that he is 12 and his feet are bigger than mine, it feels like all that time passed in a flash and I wish I’d captured more of it. That’s the thing about keeping a diary. Today’s daily life is tomorrow’s research material and the history of the future.

Writing for yourself can be useful, too, to have a private space to let off steam or confide your hopes and dreams. I always find my worries feel less heavy once I have written them down. Writing can help us navigate the ups and downs of life and we can also benefit from reading our words in the future.

So, why not give it a go? Who knows, perhaps you’ll eventually end up with a granddaughter like me who will be so grateful that you wrote about what you experienced and witnessed so that she can travel through time in your company. Above all, never worry that your life is too ordinary. There is no such thing.

‘Secrets are always very intriguing’

✢ Write It All Down: How to Put Your

Life on the Page by Cathy Rentzenbrink (£12.99, HB, Bluebird) is out now.