‘Therapy is the best thing I’ve done in my life’

TV and radio broadcaster Charlie Webster, 39, splits her time between LA and London

How we’re treated and the environment we live in shapes how we view ourselves. I was a quiet child who walked looking at the floor, rather than standing tall with confidence. I didn’t live in a secure, safe environment. My mum had me when she was 15 and after my parents divorced when I was five, we lived in Sheffield in lots of different houses. My mum married again and my stepdad was a violent man who hated it when any focus was on me, so I protected myself by never talking about myself to deflect attention, which contradicts who I am inside. Now I’ve come full circle and it’s a privilege to be able to help other people who are facing similar challenges.

I’ll always have to care for my mental health and that’s OK. I used to go off at myself, thinking, ‘What’s wrong with you!?’ but I’ve learnt to switch off my inner critic to become compassionate to myself. I can’t tell you how freeing that’s been. I was bad at self-care until I became critically ill with malaria during a 3,000mile cycle ride from London to Rio during the 2016 Olympic Games. I was put in a medically induced coma and almost died. I was totally vulnerable for the first time and lying in that hospital, the steel sheets came down and I realised I needed therapy, which is the best thing I’ve done in my life. For two years we focused on trauma, which helped me heal from childhood domestic abuse and being sexually abused by my running coach when I was 15. I later spent a year studying patterns of behaviour around trauma to understand myself more. My personal relationships have improved because the sharing of emotions, care, support and love is now a two-way street. If I’m not OK, I say it, and get comfort and my needs met.

I’m still learning boundaries. In my childhood home, being violent or aggressive was normal, so I accepted it as normal. I got into some unhealthy, controlling relationships, which weren’t emotionally nice. Now, thanks to better understanding my past, I’m able to think, ‘I deserve better.’

I needed to be single to heal. I got into a new relationship when I was recovering from malaria but walked away because I couldn’t give enough to the person or myself. Now I’m ready for a new relationship.

I have my own way of finding balance. After I made my BBC1 documentary Nowhere to Run, so many people got in touch to say it had resonated with them and my first thought was ‘I’ve got to reply to them.’ Purely because I knew first-hand what these people were going through and wanted to make sure they all felt they were being heard.

I’m a 100mph person and not good at finding calm.

I get stressed by having downtime because I’m naturally active, so I get emotional space with exercise. I run four or five times a week.

Manageable goals are everything.

I want to do everything at the same time, so I can often become overwhelmed. When I came out of hospital and had to learn to walk again, I got frustrated that I couldn’t run so I learnt to take small steps every day towards the goal. I’ve applied that mentality ever since.

✢ Nowhere to Run: Abused by Our Coach is on BBC iPlayer now.