The results
5-20 YOU’RE A PEOPLE-PLEASER
‘People-pleasers often want to be liked,’ says psychotherapist Juliet Grace. ‘These beliefs often stem from experiences of feeling insecure from an early age, or because of a desire to avoid conflict. But you end up feeling overcommitted and can become stressed.’ Take action If saying no to someone’s face feels overwhelming, text or email instead. Or approach it like a job interview, says Abbie Headon, author of The Power of No (£9.99, Ilex Press). ‘Look in the mirror and ask yourself, “Would you like to come away for my birthday? It’s only £500 each.” How would you feel and what would you say?’ Try it out for real in low-stake contexts, like when the cashier tries to sell an extra product at the till. The more you do it, the more calm and confident you’ll feel, turning a habitual yes into a more mindful no.
21-36 YOU’RE A GUILT EXPERT
‘Your responses may often be knee-jerk. If you’re stressed, the thought of taking on more is just too much,’ says Juliet. However, you say yes due to feeling guilty, which over time can lead to resentment. Take action ‘If you have a sense of how much you have to give, you’ll be better equipped to say yes or no,’ says Abbie. If you do say no, don’t over-explain.
‘That can undermine the no and make you sound uncertain,’ adds Abbie. ‘Allow a bit of silence into the conversation and the other person will probably fill it. They’ll either come up with a solution or have to accept your decision. Then you can simply say “OK, thanks!”’ End of.
37-56 YOU’RE A THINK-BEFORE-YOUSPEAK MASTER
‘This is quite a healthy approach to take. You are involved enough with the needs of others to be engaged and want to help, but not to your own detriment,’ says Juliet. But being able to balance the needs of others with your own can be difficult. Take action ‘Placing conditions around saying yes can make things manageable,’ says Juliet. For example, ‘Yes, I can help, but only until 3pm.’ And remember not to back-pedal. If someone is refusing to accept your ‘no’, adopt the ‘broken record’ method. Repeat your statement.
You don’t have to justify yourself.
57-75 YOU’RE A SELFPRESERVATION EXPERT
‘If you can say no, you may have a good sense of how to get what you want. But being self-reliant may also be a defensive technique,’ says Juliet. Take action ’Start with small steps. It will take time to build trust in others, but it’s usually an investment worth making.’