‘MY relationship is PRECIOUS’

Davina Mccall opens up about going through the menopause, how it’s shaped her and the joy of finding love again in later life

the TV world can be fickle, so it’s no mean feat that Davina Mccall has been on our screens for over 30 years, presenting shows like Big Brother, The Masked Singer and Long-lost Family. She’s still as busy as ever with her work as a brand ambassador for Garnier and JD Williams, alongside her TV career, while also inspiring people to feel their best via her fitness platform, Own Your Goals.

But that’s not to say that things have always run smoothly for the 54-year-old. In 2017, she had a very public and painful shock split from her then husband of 17 years, Matthew Robertson, at a time when she was battling menopausal symptoms, which left her feeling confused, exhausted and out of touch with her body. ‘I completely lost my passion for working out and I had no get-up-andgo, which is so unlike me. It felt scary.’

The mum-of-three has since gone on to find happiness with her long-term friend and hairdresser Michael Douglas, and having tamed her own menopause beast, she’s determined to help other women do the same with her new book.

Davina has been in w&h many times and yet we’ve never seen her looking or sounding better. We find out why.

My new book, Menopausing, is a love letter to all women who are navigating their way through the menopause. I wanted all the anecdotes to be me talking verbatim about my experience. The real hard-hitting bits are other people’s stories and I cried at some of them. Everybody will be able to see themselves in this book at some point, and everyone is represented.

Menopause can be a very lonely place. There are times when you think no one knows what you’re going through. I wanted the book to be easy to identify with. It also has a section in the back where you can cross-reference everything. There are tips about exercise, hair, make-up and skin – you name it. It’s quite holistic but also simple to absorb. I learnt so much writing the book.

I was embarrassed to admit I was on HRT when perimenopause kicked in. In fact, I didn’t even want anybody to know I was menopausal. I thought it was ageing and it could lose me work, or I’d be seen as less of a woman. I had all these weird preconceptions of how people would view me. I look back now and I just think that’s so sad. >>

Menopause was an amazing rebirth for me, but I was unable to see that at the time. I don’t want any women to feel embarrassed about taking HRT. We have to de-demonise it. It’s great if you don’t want to take it but great if you do, it shouldn’t be something people are ashamed about. However you choose to navigate the menopause, we all owe it to younger women to go out there and live our best lives and say, ‘Yes it can be tricky, but if you find the tools to help yourself, it can be one of the best times of your life.’

Once I’d grieved not having any more children, I realised menopause changed things for the better. It’s funny because I knew I didn’t want any more, but when Mother Nature tells you that you can’t have more you’re like, ‘Oh, I’ve got to let that go.’ It feels different when you don’t have a choice. Having said that, the first three years of perimenopause coincided with me having slightly older kids, so I didn’t feel guilty about going out for dinner with friends or going away with work for a couple of nights. I felt like my life was coming back a bit.

I feel freer now and I’ve started putting myself a bit further up the pecking order. My kids are 16, 19 and 21, they’re independent and they don’t need me in the same way. It’s a time of thinking you can do anything you want. This weird bit of confidence peeps through, where you feel like you have got through a lot.

I feel like I’ve earned the right to say I’m really good at certain things. I’ve been doing my job for a long time and I know I’m good at it, and I’m not going to apologise for that. They say you become really good at something after doing it for 10,000 hours. When you get to your 50s, you’ve done a lot more than that and you are really, really good at things, whether that’s being a mother, a banker, or a teacher or a nurse. You suddenly realise you have value. All my life I was seeking value or affirmation from outside things, but actually when you start appreciating yourself and realising your self-worth, it’s a wonderful feeling. Getting through the menopause and helping other women through it makes you feel good about yourself. Those are big wins. It’s a very powerful time.

I care so much less about what people think about me now, and it’s great. I think people might look at me and go, ‘Oh, well, it’s all right for her, she’s happy in herself.’ But I work hard for this body, it doesn’t just happen. I watch what I eat and I work out regularly. I don’t care if that annoys people and that is so liberating. I also used to worry about doing things that embarrassed the kids but I’m even over that now. I’m like, ‘Sorry darlings, Mum is beyond caring.’ My 16-year-old son is like, ‘Mum, can you please care a little bit?’ so I do hold some things back, but I am definitely a fully fledged member of the ‘zero f***s’ club these days.

I think people were surprised when I spoke about having chin hair on Instagram. I did it because it’s something people suffer from and shame is a horrible burden, so why not? It’s much better to laugh about these things. On a practical level, there were some really helpful tips from people when I did that post. Seriously, what are those hairs all about? I won’t notice them for days, then I’ll get my magnifying mirror out and I’m like, ‘There you are!’ I’ve got three that keep coming back. Whatever happens, I’m getting rid of them, but I’m worried if I do laser they will make me shave my chin and all the blonde fluff I’m covered in will get worse.

My meno rage was incredibly difficult to deal with because I’m not naturally a ragey person. When I used to have PMT, it was like a low-level bubbling hatred of everybody for a week. But with perimenopause, something would randomly happen and I would feel totally out of control with it. I would have to

‘I work hard for this body. I don’t care if that annoys people, and that is so liberating’

walk away from situations and be like ‘Argh!’ and I’m just not that person. I had to find tools to handle it, like counting to 10, but it would make me cry a lot and I had to own what I’d done. Sometimes I felt like I was in some kind of sitcom, sitting in the car with my head on the steering wheel, crying like I was in Motherland. I’d always apologise straight away but it honestly frightened me. Thankfully, HRT really helped with that.

I completely lost my exercise mojo during my early peri days, which was hard for someone who relies on it to feel good. Ever since I had my middle child, I’ve been really into fitness, but I just wanted to lie around and watch telly. I felt like I could see the pounds going on around my middle. I’ve always yo-yoed a bit but it would come and go, and I wouldn’t have to do too much about it, but this time I couldn’t shift it. When I split up with Matthew, the divorce diet thing happened and the weight just went. I’ve put a bit back on but not all of it, and I’ve been fastidious about making sure that I’m eating the right things and the right amounts to keep on the straight and narrow.

I hated feeling like I didn’t have any control over my body, but things did get better and they’ve stayed better. It’s interesting because it doesn’t matter how much fitness you’ve done before or how well you eat, the weight gain seems to happen to everyone. When I feel rubbish, I just want to eat chocolate and that has a profoundly bad effect on me. My boobs got massive when I first went on HRT, which made me feel bigger, but they calmed down again. And HRT made me want to eat well and go to the gym.

It’s really important to me that I keep mine and Michael’s relationship as private as possible. I feel like if I talk about Michael [pictured left with Davina], in no time I’ll be asked what he eats for breakfast and all sorts, and I don’t want to tell people those things. I am very happy but we like keeping what we have to ourselves. We’ve been together a long time now and everybody is more used to it, but it still feels too precious to be plundered.

I would happily have all the surgery and tweakments going and I have no judgement on what anybody else does. I’m really happy with where I’m at the moment but if I wanted to do it, I would.

I think there is a weird but wonderful thing that happens with ageing. You get a bit like, ‘All right, let’s go mad.’ So many of my friends are going out dancing again. I used to, maybe once a year, but now I go out a lot and get home at 2am. I can sleep until 10am because my kids sleep until midday, and I enjoy it. It’s like being given a new lease of life. The Chinese call it the second spring and that’s a really nice concept. You don’t ever need to become old. I think there’s been a shift in expectations from society about women of a certain age. There is no ‘certain’ age any more. We can do whatever we want.

✢ Davina’s new book, Menopausing (£22, Harpercollins), is out now.

✢ Garnier’s latest hero product, Body Superfood, is available now.

‘HRT made me want to eat well and go to the gym’