ASK ANNA ‘Teenagers are built to push boundaries with adults’

‘My son drinks and smokes weed – I don’t know how to reach him any more’

Q My teenage son has started drinking and smoking marijuana. I’m really worried, as it’s affecting his A level studies and mood. He used to be a happy, affectionate boy but he has become rude, withdrawn and lazy. I’ve tried talking to him but he’s dismissive and just tells me to leave him alone. I don’t know how to reach him any more.

A Let’s start with some facts.

The use of both legal (alcohol) and illegal (such as marijuana) drugs among teenagers is on the rise. According to NHS figures, nearly one-fifth of 16- to 24-year-olds in England and Wales admitted to having used marijuana in 2020. And 70% of 15-year-olds had tried alcohol. In other words, it’s common. Teenagers are built to push boundaries with adults, experiment, and take risks – and smoking, drinking and taking drugs are some of the easiest ways to do this.

Like anyone growing up in an unpredictable world, young people like to alter their reality for all sorts of reasons.

It might be out of curiosity, or pressure from mates – but it can also be a way of coping with stress, anxiety and difficult situations. I know you’re worried about your son, but please hang on to the fact that not every kid who drinks or takes drugs is going to become an addict or a criminal (most of us didn’t, did we?).

However, as a parent, you can’t ignore the risks. Substance misuse is one of the biggest threats to a young person’s brain development – and all drugs, legal or not, have the potential to cause harm. So… here’s what you need to do.

First of all, stay calm. You might want to scream ‘It’s illegal!!’ in his face, but it’s far better to reassure your son that he’s not in any kind of trouble. Whatever you do, don’t make threats or search his belongings, as you’ll only make him more secretive. Secondly, get educated about drugs. Believe me, kids know far more than their parents about it, so do your research and get in the know about the names and effects of different substances. Thirdly, normalise the conversation within the family about drugs and alcohol. Learn why kids are drinking and smoking weed in the first place. Is it because they want to get high? Or because they’re trying to escape pressure? The more you talk about these issues and how to make safe choices in a non-naggy way, the more confident your child will feel about coming to you for help.

Finally, if you really can’t reach your son, then ask a trusted friend or family member to tell him about With You (wearewithyou.org.uk) – who offer free, confidential support with alcohol, drugs or mental health through local services or online. It might just help you both.

✢ Anna Richardson is a journalist, writer, broadcaster and qualified cognitive hypnotherapist, who presents Naked Attraction for Channel 4.

✢ If you’d like help with a problem, write to askanna@futurenet.com