‘IT HAS BECOME MUCH HARDER TO GET HELP IN THE WAKE OF THE PANDEMIC’
As worried mum Sarah* found, the demand has meant many private therapists are booked up. Sarah has two sons, aged 18 and 16, who have both experienced serious mental health issues. She has seen the difference in support available pre and POST-COVID-19.
‘My eldest son Michael* was really helped by CAMHS (the child and adolescent mental health services), but the experience I have had with my younger son has been different – so bad, in fact, that I have taken him away. I would still recommend people seek help from them, although our experience was not good. It started for my elder son when he came downstairs one morning, aged 13, and couldn’t stop crying for a week. He was one of the first of his peer group to go through puberty, so no one else felt like him. We spoke to the GP, had support from a counsellor at CAMHS and he was given an antidepressant drug, which made a big difference and helped him open up to therapy.
‘He talked about suicide and I had to make him understand that I could not survive without him. Now, five years later, he’s at university, which is amazing. Initially, he had to return home for a few days – it was like he had short-circuited and we had that 13-year-old boy back. But there is a welfare centre at uni and he was able to go back two days later. He sees it as a chance of making a new start.
‘I am now fretting over my younger son Jack*. He doesn’t talk about his emotions, and last summer said he thought he needed some of the anxiety meds that his brother takes. We spoke to the GP and were referred to CAMHS. We discovered he had been cutting his upper arms, belly and thighs, where I couldn’t see. He had an eating disorder and was losing weight. He’d also been sitting on the window ledge, threatening to jump.’
Sarah found the support from CAMHS this time was disjointed and distressing for both Jack and herself. Jack begged not to attend any more sessions, and Sarah and he made a pact that they would focus on working on his mental health issues together. ‘He seems OK at the moment. We reached out to private therapists covered by his dad’s medical insurance but couldn’t find anyone with availability for new patients within a radius of 100 miles.’
The impact of fighting for help for her sons eventually made Sarah ill. ‘I had an emotional breakdown and my legs stopped working. I was made redundant at the same time and my doctor pointed to the stress I had been under.’
Thankfully, she has managed to get counselling, ‘which just about keeps me sane. I went to see my counsellor last week and she said “you look broken”. I went to open my mouth and just cried for half an hour. She helps me see
I don’t have to put on a brave face all >>
‘I went to open my mouth and just cried for half an hour’
the time. For any mother going through this, I would say it is not because you have failed your child.’
Prof Sherbersky has words of reassurance. ‘There is an attitude that this generation of young people are a snowflake generation, which I don’t support. In fact, they are amazing – they are vocal, well-informed, have integrity, and are more mature in many ways. They want to do the right thing and make the right decisions. Most will be fine: some have a harder journey than others into adulthood but most will get through it OK.’
She says grandparents can form part of the support network. And chartered clinical psychologist Dr Tamara Scully says, ‘Grandparents have the luxury of not being parents and are able to take a more supportive role. Some grandparents may not understand some of the problems like social media, but if a child feels they’re being seen by them, it’s a validation.’
She says those who support parents by giving them time to see friends or go to the gym can help the parents to replenish and look after their own wellbeing so they’re better able to help a distressed, angry or anxious child.