10 things I am NOT go­ing to do in 2019

Woman & Home - - Memoir -

1 EAT MORE “HEALTHILY” No­body knows what healthy is any­way; the rules change every week.

2 DRINK LESS AL­CO­HOL I sim­ply don’t see what this would achieve. A longer life? It would just seem longer. If a cou­ple of mar­gar­i­tas take the edge off, good luck to me.

3 TAKE UP A HOBBY WELSH? Salsa? The trum­pet? Life isn’t one long episode of Bri­tain’s Got Ta­lent. I’d ei­ther be ter­ri­ble at those things, or bril­liant but have nowhere to show them off. That would be frus­trat­ing. Bet­ter to just lie here.

4 JOIN A GYM SEE ABOVE.

5 CLEAR OUT THE WARDROBE There are dresses in there that haven’t come off the hanger since 2002. This is a del­i­cate ecosys­tem; it could be dan­ger­ous to re­move them now.

6 SPEND MORE TIME WITH FAM­ILY Don’t be ridicu­lous.

7 LEARN COD­ING I will do it the day my GP tells me I have 10,000 years to live.

8 RUN A MARATHON Very bad for the knees. What if I got an in­jury? This could re­quire me to join a gym. See point 4.

9 RE­DEC­O­RATE This wall­pa­per was clearly pop­u­lar with who­ever lived here be­fore us. If we wait long enough, it’s bound to come round again.

10 SAVE MONEY What a stupidly vague no­tion. How much? £1,000? £10,000? And then what? I’d only spend it. w&h

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