Are we having enough sex?

When we got married 10 years ago, my new husband and I already enjoyed a good sex life and it got even better. I read somewhere that the average number of times the normal couple makes love is 2.4 times a week and we were far above that! Only, over the years, for us, it’s gradually got less and less, and for the past year or so, we maybe make love once a week, if I’m lucky. I don’t think he’s being unfaithful or no longer loves me. I wonder if I’m just being too dramatic about it all. Is it normal to have less sex as time goes on? Can a relationship last if there’s no sex?

Suzie says:

Yes of course it can. Plenty of loving couples have less sex or no sex for various reasons as their partnership goes on. Illness or disability can make it uncomfortable, painful or impossible, or robs one or both of them of desire. Of course, if sex diminishes it can be an early warning of issues you need to explore. It’s not the absence of the sexual act that spells problems, it’s the reasons behind it. You’re right in thinking less sex could mean falling out of love, or infidelity. Often sex drops off if a couple have unresolved conflict – anger, resentment, hurt or pain that they’ve not discussed. But it could be because of health issues – mental or physical. Or work or family problems that are making one or both of you feel bad. Or simply that yes, sex gets less as you get older, even when intimacy does not. And that’s the key to this. If you’re still sharing love, affection, hugs and kisses and feel close to each other and cared for, that you have sex fewer times a week doesn’t actually matter. Talk to each other about your expectations and feelings, and if there are any problems under the surface, see your doctor.