Family dilemmas
my real father left us when I was three and has never been in touch. when I was five my mum married a new man and since then I’ve always called him dad – because that’s what he was to me. From the word go he was kind, caring, supportive. He was behind me all through school, paid for my further education and helped me out in the first year of my career when money was tight. He walked me up the aisle and has been the most marvellous grandfather to my children. my mum died last year and now Dad is in hospital and will probably need care when he comes out. my husband and I are making plans to bring him home to us, but it’s as if some of my friends and family now feel he’s surplus to requirements. all we seem to hear from them is, ‘He’s not your dad – why would you do that?’
Suzie says:
He is your dad, and what you are planning is a fine testament to him and your relationship. He cared for you so you now want to care for him. Any male can be a father – it doesn’t take much on their part to make a baby. But only real men can be dads – the people who take you on, whether you are blood-related or not and commit to being there for you for life. So, of course, it’s the most reasonable thing in the world to respond to that in kind – by offering not only love at all times but care when it is needed. Blood is not the only tie. If some of those around you can’t see that then you have to feel sorry for them because they’ve either missed out on that connection, or may be vulnerable in the future if that is their attitude. Smile sweetly, tell them he is your real dad and leave it at that.