He’s been dressing as a woman

Recently I found out that my husband had been wearing stockings and suspenders when I wasn’t at home, now I’ve discovered he’s been wearing high heels and using sex toys too. We are in our fifties and our sex life ended a long time ago, but am I in the wrong if I ask him to stop? I find it repulsive and I’m so ashamed that I can’t talk to anyone about it. We have adult children and this would devastate them if they found out. I don’t think our GP could advise either, as it’s a small community with people we know well at the surgery.

What can I do before it wrecks 37 years of marriage? I still love him but can’t accept this side of him. Any discussion ends with him making me feel what he’s doing isn’t unusual and that I’m being difficult.

Suzie says:

Let’s get one thing clear – your GP and all the surgery staff are bound by the strictest rules of confidentiality. You can go to your doctor for anything and know you will be treated with respect and your privacy maintained. A talk with your doctor or a Relate counsellor on 0300 100 1234 would be helpful. Your aim should not be to get your husband to stop but to try to understand and perhaps have some help with those discussions about his and your feelings. I can see why you find this hard – you feel rejected and can’t comprehend what he is doing and why he’s doing it. And maybe he feels hurt by your reaction. Because whether you like it or not, sex, sexuality and sexual expression do come in a wider variety than perhaps you recognised. What you both need to explore is what you can and can’t agree on and whether your love for each other and 37 years together are more important than your feelings about this. He’s trusted you by being open – repay that trust by listening.