‘IT’S MADE US A STRONGER COUPLE’

marina Fogle, 38, lives in London with her husband, Ben, 43, and their children, Ludo, seven, and Iona, five.

When I first heard about marriage MOTS, I was still a newlywed. My husband, TV adventurer Ben Fogle, and I were in the honeymoon phase – we didn’t have the responsibilities of kids and we rarely rowed.

And yet, when my friend lamented that all couples – whether having problems or not – should have an annual session with a counsellor, I could see her point. ‘By law, we have to MOT our cars every year,’ she said. ‘So why don’t we do the same with our marriages?’

When I suggested it to Ben, he agreed it wasn’t a bad idea. After all, we’d built a life around our love for one another – it made sense to keep our relationship healthy.

But, as it so often does, life got in the way. Ludo arrived in December 2009, then Iona 17 months later. And Ben’s insistence on embracing long and arduous challenges – from crossing the Atlantic to racing to the South Pole – left little time for relaxation, let alone any kind of therapy.

But then we were forced into the therapist’s couch – by devastating circumstances. In August 2014, our third child, Willem, was stillborn at 33 weeks. Ben was in Canada, celebrating his grandmother’s 100th birthday, when he had a call saying I’d been rushed into hospital. He arrived home to find me in intensive care, our baby dead.

Our friends rallied, offering support and advice. We were told to speak to a grief counsellor as soon as possible, so just a week later, we found ourselves confiding in someone on a level more intimate than we were probably comfortable with.

During these sessions, we opened up completely. While it began as grief counselling, conversation soon turned to

our relationship. I sometimes found it hard to communicate with Ben how I was feeling – not just around the loss of our son, but in everyday life. We learnt that, because we hardly argue, when we do, we’re very bad at it – hurting each other and getting nowhere. After speaking honestly, we quickly had a greater understanding and appreciation for each other.

What Ben and I learnt from our experience is that while it’s never too late to see a counsellor, it’s also never too early. Ben and I weren’t on the verge of splitting, but therapy helped us become a stronger, happier couple.

I began talking to friends and family – I realised that, despite the stigma surrounding mental health in this country, I was not the only advocate for relationship counselling. I also spoke to a friend of a friend, who was given 10 sessions of couples therapy as a wedding gift. And running antenatal classes dayto-day as part of my job, I’d often suggest expectant parents seek professional help, too. There’s no better foundation for a happy child than a stable home.

Now, Ben and I know how important it is to make regular appointments. While we aren’t the couple that bickers about what to watch on TV, or whose turn it is to put the bins out, we find that talking to a third party helps us to remain honest and open, rather than letting unsaid niggles develop into bigger problems.

Communication is now at the heart of our relationship – our love deepens with each year that we’re married, and therapy only helps to strengthen that bond. Every marriage needs an MOT.

✱ marina is co-founder of The Bump Class (thebumpclass.com), which provides antenatal classes in London.

The Bump Class: An Expert Guide To Pregnancy, Birth And Beyond by Dr Chiara Hunt and marina Fogle (£20, Vermilion) is out now

‘It’s never too late to see a counsellor’