In my experience

Duped by a love rat… and his mum!

Every day, thousands of people log on to dating sites in the hope of finding love. Yes, you hear the odd horror story, but those are things that happen to other people, right? well, that’s what I thought. only, I learnt the hard way that you shouldn’t always be so trusting.

I had already had my fair share of heartbreak over the years and in October 2014, I found myself a single mum to my daughters Jess, then 15, Freya, six, and Eva, five. A lot of my friends had tried online dating, and with their help and encouragement, I decided to set up a profile of my own.

A couple of weeks after joining, there was a message in my inbox from a man called Dan. He said he was a divorced artist with 19-year-old twins, Ellie and Lauren. And from his picture, I could see he was wellbuilt with blue eyes – exactly my type.

A real family

We exchanged a few messages before Dan asked if he could give me a call – as we spoke, I couldn’t help but laugh at his jokes. And when later that week he suggested we meet up for coffee, I didn’t hesitate. If I’m honest, I was quite flattered that he was willing to drive all the way from his home in Bristol to meet me in Cardiff.

Three days later, Dan was already waiting for me with a cup of tea in the cafe. As we chatted about our children, soon two hours had gone by.

Already feeling quite smitten, I agreed to meet up again the following day. As I didn’t drive, Dan made the hour-long journey to me once again. That’s the way it went on for weeks – he’d pick me up and we’d go for dinner or to the cinema.

Normally I’d have been more reluctant to introduce a new man to the children, but I felt like I’d known Dan forever. So that December, knowing he was going to be spending Christmas alone, I invited him round. Only, two days before he called me in tears – ‘It’s Ellie,’ he said, his voice breaking. ‘She’s died of an overdose.’

Heartbroken for him, I told him I’d be around if he needed me but understood if he needed some space.

It wasn’t until the New Year that I heard from him again. He was planning Ellie’s funeral and I offered to attend for support. But with his ex-wife there, he said he didn’t want to create any tension on what would already be a difficult day.

From then on, Dan would pop round every week and as soon as the girls met him, they loved him. Dan told them that when he was younger he’d been in the SAS – and they listened intently to his stories about how he’d eaten worms to survive in Borneo and jumped out of a plane with a broken parachute. Watching them all getting along, it felt like we were a real family.

In January 2015, Dan proposed. I knew it was quick, but there wasn’t a doubt in my mind he was the man I was meant to be with. Only, my family weren’t so sure. They insisted they didn’t have a good feeling about Dan, that it all seemed too sudden. I wish I’d listened.

A week later, Dan took me to meet his mum, Kath. She was so lovely, but as we chatted, I saw the tears well up as she told me how much she missed Ellie – it was clear her death had really hit the family.

Although he kept his flat in Bristol,

Dan spent most of his time at mine. He explained that Ellie’s twin, Lauren, had been admitted to rehab to battle her own addictions, and the strain, the raw grief of it all, was evident on his face. I did what I could to give him some sense of normality – we threw ourselves into wedding planning, setting a date for October the following year. I took Jess, Freya and Eva shopping for bridesmaid dresses and put down a £500 deposit for the venue. Then, in July 2015, lonely on her own over in Bristol, Kath, who was almost 70, came to stay with us, too. Despite it being a bit of a squeeze, we all got along. That is until four months later when I walked into the living room to find Jess, then 17, and Dan having an argument. ‘What’s going on?’ I demanded – this wasn’t like her at all. Jess explained she’d seen messages on Dan’s mobile as she went to unplug it from her phone charger – it looked like he was cheating on me. Dan was furious she’d accuse him of something like that. But Jess had taken photos of the messages on her own mobile phone. There was no way he could deny it.

Digging into his past

Hearing my sobs, Kath came into the living room. She did her best to calm me down, telling me Dan still loved me, but it became clear she knew what he’d been doing. Devastated, I screamed at them to leave, before slamming the door shut behind them.

I wanted every trace of them gone, so I grabbed a black bag and started filling it – with the newspaper Kath had been reading, the photo of Dan that was on the mantel. I was just about to throw Kath’s pension slip in the bag when I noticed the name on it – it was made out to Kathleen Mccue. ‘That’s odd,’ I thought – I’d always assumed Kath’s surname was Mitchell, like Dan.

With the cheating, and now this, I couldn’t help but wonder what else I didn’t know. And remembering how uneasy my own family had been about Dan, I decided to do some digging. If I’m honest, I didn’t expect to find anything, but logging on to view the electoral roll online, I saw that Kath was registered as living with someone called Darren Mccue. Dan had told me she lived alone, and I knew she didn’t have a partner – so who was this Darren?

Sickening truth

The website showed me the name of Darren’s ex-wife. So looking her up on Facebook, I decided to send her a message, including a photo of Dan, to ask if she knew him.

Nothing could have prepared me for her reply – she said it was a picture of her ex-husband, Darren. I couldn’t comprehend what I was being told – why would Dan lie to me about his name? As the messages went back and forth between me and his ex, I discovered that wasn’t all – he’d never been in the Army or SAS and he didn’t even have twins. I felt sick. What kind of man lies that his daughter has died? And why had his mum gone along with it?

I always thought I was a good judge of character and yet they’d both duped me. I felt so foolish, but as much as I wanted answers, I couldn’t bear to speak to Dan, so, dazed, I went about cancelling our wedding. I couldn’t get my deposit back on the venue but luckily we hadn’t sent out the invites yet.

It was all so surreal but slowly, my shock gave way to anger. I wanted to warn other women – what if Dan and his mum had done this to more people? I set up a Facebook page and within days, three others contacted me to say that he’d lied to them, too. I even found out that while he’d been grieving for his fake daughter, he’d actually been spending Christmas with another woman he was engaged to.

I got in touch with the police and after a year-long investigation, on 15 May 2017 at Cardiff Crown Court, Darren was jailed for 16 months for fraud and given a five-year restraining order.

Although I’m glad he’s being made to pay for what he’s done, I wish he’d got longer. But I refuse to let him ruin a moment more of my life. At least I found out who Dan – or rather, Darren – really was before it was too late.

‘I wanted all trace of them gone’