Life today
He’s reaching for his slippers, while you’re getting ready to party. Sound familiar? Your relationship may have an emotional age gap
Is your husband becoming an old man?
It’s a Friday afternoon and, after polishing off a mince pie with your colleagues, you head home, ready to start your Christmas break. But while you’re looking forward to an evening of fun – after all, Christmas is the perfect excuse to slip into that new sparkly dress – when you get through the door you find your other half already curled up in his pyjamas, watching Elf for what feels like the hundredth time.
Sounds all too familiar? Well, you’re not alone. While more than two-thirds of 40-plus women consider themselves to be in the prime of their lives, it seems that we’re leaving our men behind.
As we women spend more time and money on fashion, new hobbies and socialising – especially over the festive period – the emotional age gaps between us and our partners seem to be growing ever wider.
Even our favourite stars have to mind the gap. Despite being a new mum to twins, Amal Clooney looks more stylish every day. Her husband, on the other hand, has been pictured with a furrowed brow and heavy eye bags. Time for bed, George?
So, are you enjoying a second youth, while he’s happy to just stay in and snooze on the sofa? We speak to one woman who knows exactly how that feels…
‘In my head I’m 21… he’s 65!’
Hayley Garbutt, 50, lives near Scarborough with her husband maurice, 53. She has three children.
Every day, I get up at 5am for a 7k run then, after work as a healthcare assistant, I might hit the shops – I love Zara and Topshop – or go for a cocktail with the girls. At the weekends, I’m just as busy. I take kickboxing classes and love nights out.
You might think I’m a carefree twentysomething, but I’m actually a 50-year-old mum-of-three in the prime of my life. But while I’m speeding up, my husband, Maurice is slowing down – and it’s no more obvious than at Christmas. While I’ve accepted invites to three different parties – and planned outfits for each – Maurice (or should that be the Grinch?) is refusing to join me.
You see, while my husband and I are only three years apart in age, our ideas of a good time couldn’t be more different…
Teenage sweethearts
I met Maurice when I was 15 years old at a youth club. We spent the whole night laughing and were soon a couple. Three years later, we were living together and I was pregnant.
Our daughter, Zola, arrived in September 1986. As she got older, I spent most of my time at home, cooking dinner, doing the school run and helping with
homework. Luke arrived in March 1992, followed by Lucy a year later, and my life revolved around my children.
But as I approached my 40th birthday something in me shifted. Zola had moved out, Luke and Lucy would soon be going to university and it was time to focus on me.
I started by joining a dance club. Lucy took classes and I’d always thought it looked fun. After that, I tried everything – from pole dancing to kickboxing. I even trained for a marathon. I went from a size 16 to a 10 and began shopping in the same stores my daughters did.
With a new-found confidence, I also arranged fun activities for Maurice and I. I’d book us murder mystery nights and even a skydive! While at first he enjoyed my new spontaneity, he soon began wanting to stay in and put his feet up instead. He’d never stop me going out but it seemed a shame not to share fun times.
After we married in June 2013, almost 30 years after we first met, Maurice became even more settled. He took up gardening and fishing, which bore me senseless. And this Christmas, while he might make it to the pub for a pint, I’ll be hitting the dance floor, singing along to Mariah.
But, while we might seem like chalk and cheese, our emotional age gap works. Maurice reminds me to appreciate the simple things, like enjoying a winter’s walk with our dogs. And, while he might love lazing in his armchair, I remind him you’re never too old to try something new. I might be 21 in my head – and he might be 65 – but I wouldn’t have him any other way.
‘As i hit 40, something in me shifted’