I can’t remember if I was abused
QI’ve been looking through old photo albums from my childhood. But I keep getting odd memories of a close relative being sexually inappropriate with me. Is this real? If so, what should I do about this?
AWhether or not your memories are real, you need to explore and resolve them before you’ll be able to find peace as you go on with your life. So don’t just push this issue under the carpet. Instead, it’s important to get help to explore what precisely did (or didn’t) happen to you, and what action you need to take now. The NAPAC (the National Association for People Abused in Childhood) will help you navigate this minefield and can help provide support along the way. Their helpline is 0808 801 0331 and, for peace of mind, calls will not show up on your bill. Or go to napac.org.uk for more.
Is It safe to try?
Qwe’d both like to try tying each other up as part of our lovemaking. But is it safe? we want to be sure we don’t panic ourselves before we actually get to enjoy ourselves!
ATying up can be fun – one of you gets to let go and the other gets to take control. But you need to stay safe. So start gently. Try holding each other firmly rather than tying. Use fun, fluffy, easy-release handcuffs (try ones from Ann Summers). Have a ‘safe word’, (such as ‘red’) to signal ‘stop now’ if either of you gets wobbly. My book, The Joy of Sex: The Adventurous Lover, (Mitchell Beazley, available on amazon.co.uk) gives you more ideas.
I always fake it in bed
QI’ve never orgasmed regularly with my husband, so I pretend. But recently, he asked me if I’d ever faked it, and I couldn’t lie. He’s terribly upset and I’m thinking that this is the end of our sex life.
AActually, this could be the start of an even better sex life. Because yes, you had good intentions – you faked so your husband wouldn’t feel hurt. But the result was that over the years, neither of you has had the chance to learn what you really need in bed. Now you’re finally being honest with each other, so you can both start really exploring what turns you on. Explain all that to your husband so he understands that you weren’t lying but trying to protect him. Then talk honestly about what works for each of you, and start putting that into practice.