‘I REALISED, TO MY HORROR, HE HADN’T CHANGED’
Samantha Brick, 47, a writer, lives in France with her husband, Pascal, 57. I spent 15 years trapped in a yo-yo relationship with my ex, James*. The romantic notion that we couldn’t live without each other, was in reality anything but.
James and I met at college, aged 17, and fell completely in love with each other. But then came university. The excitement of being away from home meant I no longer needed James. There was no official ending as such – we just simply stopped being a couple.
It was three years later that, struggling in my final year, I found myself calling him. We agreed we’d been foolish to let each other go and, by the time I was 21, we’d moved in together in Brighton.
Only, it wasn’t the romantic coupled-up life I’d imagined. While I was trying to start my career in television, James was still in his final year of uni – and still partying. And when his boozy mates weren’t over, it was James’ love of sport that was taking over the house. Again, it didn’t last. As the years passed, I dated other men, but James and I remained friends. Then, as I turned 29, I found myself single. Most of my friends were starting to settle down. I felt like maybe I should be doing the same.
Forgetting all of the reasons for our split and hoping that time apart meant we
‘THERE’S A REASON YOU SPLIT UP’
had both matured, I invited James out for dinner one night. We began dating and two years later, on a tropical Indian beach, he proposed.
We got married in December 2001, but soon the honeymoon period was over and I realised, to my horror, he hadn’t changed. The sex was great, but no-one lives their marital life in the bedroom.
Our marriage limped on for another three years until we ended it – for good this time. I stayed single for a while and when things got hard, instead of picking up the phone, I learnt to pick myself up.
Two years later, I met Pascal. By then, I was a strong, independent woman and when Pascal asked me to marry him I said yes because I wanted to, not because I felt I needed a husband.
Lisa, heed my warning. Nostalgia for our past makes us gloss over the faults. But there is always a reason for splitting up and it rarely goes away.