My best friend and i battled cancer together
When good friends Jo Conway and Alex Petropoulos were both diagnosed with cancer their unique situation brought them even closer
‘i didn’t want to scare her’
‘Alex treated me like there was nothing wrong’ Jo Conway, 40, a fashion designer, lives in London with partner Stephen, 39, a cardiac physiologist.
I remember sitting on my bed one morning not long after being diagnosed with breast cancer, just staring at the wall. I’d forgotten how to get dressed. I phoned the girls at work, and they had to talk me through it step by step. A counsellor would later tell me I’d been in shock and my body had gone into shut-down mode.
I hadn’t prepared myself at all for the diagnosis. I hadn’t even worried particularly when my left breast began to ache on a flight to LA in June 2015. Even though the pain persisted, it took me two months to seek medical advice, but I didn’t think it was anything serious.
That September, when the consultant announced my results were positive, I thought that was good news. But when I realised I was wrong, I just wanted to get out of the room as fast as possible.
After that, I barely had time to think – it was very intense and overwhelming, with information thrown at me about treatment options and prognoses and decisions to make.
My cancer was stage I and I didn’t need chemotherapy or radiotherapy. But devastatingly, I was advised to have a mastectomy followed by a reconstruction. Getting to that second surgery six weeks later became my focus.
Some friends had begun to act strangely around me after I was diagnosed, not knowing what to say. Alex was never like that. We’d met through a tennis group earlier that year. There was a big group of us, and we all used to go to the pub and socialise. But in the months following my diagnosis, our friendship grew. When I told her about my cancer, she treated me as though nothing was wrong. It was so refreshing and incredibly important to me. When I was off work after my surgery, Alex sent me constant messages checking up on me. That’s what really helped.
Fearing the worst
I was in remission when Alex was diagnosed with breast cancer a year after me. I remember her calling to tell me she’d been to the breast clinic for tests as she’d found a lump. What she was explaining was exactly the same as what had happened to me. I feared the worst. It was hard because I wanted to make sure she was prepared for what might happen, but I didn’t want to scare her.
I knew she’d have to wait a couple of weeks for the results, so I made it my mission to keep her busy and distracted. I offered to go with Alex when she got her results, but she wanted to go alone. When she called me telling me it was cancer, she sounded numb. I reassured her I would be there for her in any way I could.
Watching Alex go through the same thing as me was hideous because I couldn’t help her with the fear and panic. All I could do was supply her with information and introduce her to the charity Breast Cancer Haven, which was a lifeline for me.
Going through what we have makes you feel like you want to take your life back. I’m more active, my diet has improved, I’m not as stressed and I’m trying to come to terms with my ‘Barbie boob’. I know I can deal with anything that comes my way now. Having breast cancer has made me realise our friendship is unbreakable.
alex Petropoulos, 32, is a music journalist. She lives in London.
Everything happened so fast after my first doctor’s appointment that I don’t feel like I’ve ever properly processed it. I’ve just had to think about what I have to get through each day and what’s coming next. But throughout it all, I have had Jo. My friendship with her has proved invaluable – having someone who has been there before and knows what I’m feeling.
My cancer journey began in October 2016 when I discovered a lump in my left breast. My GP thought it was probably a cyst, but referred me to the breast clinic to have it investigated.
Two weeks, a mammogram, ultrasound and biopsy later, I got the cancer diagnosis. Waiting for those results was the hardest couple of weeks of my life. In my own head, I’d already jumped to the cancer conclusion and convinced myself I was dying, so in a way I was prepared for it and I took the news calmly. The doctor reassured me that they’d caught the cancer early – stage 1 – and the prognosis was good. After that everything happened so quickly – I had surgery to remove the lump less than two weeks later, followed by chemo and radiotherapy.
empathy
Everybody in my friendship group has been amazingly supportive, but with Jo, I knew I had someone really looking out for me. She could offer empathy, which only someone who has experienced the same thing can give. I had so much respect for the way she dealt with her cancer. It’s so easy to assume that anyone with cancer is on their death bed, but Jo was so strong and open about her diagnosis and she helped me to be the same. We both enjoy partying, too, and I think there’s an element of that as a coping mechanism – we weren’t going to let cancer stop us. I started chemo in January 2017. My hair fell out and it was so draining. But I worked throughout. I’ve never wanted cancer to change my life or who I am. Jo always appeared to deal with it so well that it was impossible to know how bad it was for her. Having been through it now, I feel like maybe I wasn’t there for her as much as I should have been. I told her that recently, and she said one of the most important things for her was that I treated her like nothing was wrong. Without a doubt this has strengthened our friendship. Along with other friends, she even threw me a ‘F**k You, Cancer’ bash after my treatment ended last May. Jo’s a whirlwind of fun and life, and I couldn’t have got through this without her. ✱
‘it’s easy to Assume that Anyone with cancer is on their death bed’