How long does she have to live?

Q A good friend of mine has cancer. She’s been told it’s an aggressive form and the doctors have done all they can. I’m assuming they’ve also told her how long she has, but she hasn’t told me, nor her family. I think they feel like me – we’d like to know what she’s been told so we can do the best we can for her. How do I ask her, given she hasn’t offered to tell me?

Suzie says

A Don’t assume. Sometimes doctors suggest a time frame, often they can’t. But even if they had given her an idea, why do you need to know? Of course you feel sad, but this is about her, not you. She has enough on her plate without feeling responsible for how other people feel and how they’re going to manage her illness and impending death. You and her family have only one thing to do. Tell her you love her and ask what she needs from you. Focus, all of you, on supporting and giving. You can put your own feelings centre stage with your own support network after the inevitable happens.