Don’t Tell Me I Can’t… …fulfil my childhood dream
Gillian Harvey always loved writing, now she’s a published novelist
‘SOMETHING MADE ME CARRY ON’
Clutching the brightly coloured book in my hands and reading my name on the cover for the 10th time, I feel giddy. After years of writing and endless disappointments, I’m finally a published author at 41. Like many would-be writers, I’ve dreamed of this day most my life – but, deep down, I never expected it’d come true.
As a teenager, I underachieved at school after being called a swot, purposely keeping myself under the radar by doing the minimum. My parents enjoyed reading my stories and poems, but encouraged me to have realistic career plans, while a university boyfriend’s jokes about my ambition made me feel I wasn’t good enough.
Despite this, I never stopped writing, always scribbling ideas, and I’d take my notebook to windswept Cornish beaches on holidays. In the 2000s, I treated myself to a laptop and kept tapping away. As well as trying my hand at writing ghost stories, mysteries and thrillers, I’d pen poems for people’s birthdays or leavingdos at work.
I dreamt of one day being published, yet whenever I spoke about my writing to others, I’d play it down or make it into a joke. I worried my ambition outweighed my capabilities. I clung on to any criticism, and dismissed compliments. ‘They’re just being nice,’ I thought.
I finished my first novel – a mystery – in 2002, during a holiday to Nerja, Spain, with my husband Ray, then 51. Writing ‘The end’ on an 80,000-word manuscript felt incredible. The feeling didn’t last long. Within weeks I was used to finding the tell-tale manilla envelope on the doormat, containing yet another rejection. Just when I felt like giving up, I had an idea for a second novel. My enthusiasm for writing returned; after all, most writers get rejections their first time around! Two years later, in 2005, it was complete. But again the rejections came. Over the years, I penned six books – you’d think I’d have got the message. But something made me carry on.
In 2010, after IVF, Ray and I had our daughter Lily, followed by twins Joe and Tim in 2012. After the boys were born, I started an online writing course, learning not to be so precious about my ideas, to listen more carefully to feedback – because rather than saying I wasn’t good enough, people were actually telling me how to be better. In 2013, I started freelancing, building up a portfolio as a journalist. I learnt about ‘audience’ and how to shape my work for others’ enjoyment. Then, thanks to two surprise miracles, Ray and I had Evie in 2013, and Robbie in 2015.
Five kids was the most rewarding, yet chaotic juggling act, and by 2017, when I had the inspiration to start writing Everything is Fine, a humorous tale about an influencer who gets caught up in her own lies, I was a different person. I was feeling happier than I had in the past, so decided to try writing humour. I also put more work into rewrites, drawing on feedback, and was less afraid of change.
Even so, in August 2018 when I received an offer from an agent, I was stunned! Two months later, I had another message – she’d secured a book deal for me. You’d think I’d have been jumping for joy, but I spent the next few days walking around in an anxious daze, scared I’d somehow imagined the whole thing.
I don’t know how things will go from here. My deal involves a second book, but will there be a third? Will my writing get rave reviews, or be panned? Will my book sit – lonely and unnoticed – on the shelves?
At this moment, holding my book, I realise in some ways it doesn’t matter. I’ve done what I’d always dreamt of: become a published author. I’m a novelist, and just saying those words is worth the decades of hard work.
Everything is Fine
(£7.99, Orion) is out on 28 May